Without spilling my desperation.
Dragging a hand down my face, it hits me like a freight train full of yesterdays.
* * *
Seven Years Ago
“I can see your feet, Shel.”
“And I can see yours.” Normally, I’m laughing when I say it.
Not today.
His big legs stick out from under one of Grandpa’s cars. He rolls the mechanic creeper out with his blue eyes flashing.
“What are you doing out here?” he asks, still flat on his back, his arm smeared with grease that streaks the new eagle tattoo he got last year. “Thelma got a fresh batch of cookies?”
I snort. Even if I’m not here to joke around, it’s hilarious how cookies are still his kryptonite when he’s almost old enough to drink.
“Gram’s at the grocery store. I’m sure she’ll make you some before you...” I pause, my voice choked off.
I can’t say it.
Can’t say before he leaves.
Weston finally stands, wipes his hands on a rag, and then grabs my waist and lifts me effortlessly before setting me back down on the trunk of the car.
“I’m guessin’ Marty told you?” His eyes search mine.
“That you joined the Army and you’re shipping out ASAP?” I sigh. “Yep, he did. And...and I still don’t get why.”
I shake my head, raging at my own emotions giving me away.
“Why he told you?” Weston asks.
“Why you’re leaving,” I say. “Why you’re leaving without even saying goodbye...”
“Aw, Shelly, I have to. You knew this was coming after all the times we talked. Just you, me, and Marty. I’m leaving Dallas and someday soon you’ll be too.”
“What if I won’t?” I ask, refusing to let him be right. “What if I just stay?”
What if I wait for your big dumb face? I want to say, but I just can’t force it off my tongue.
He flicks the end of my nose, the same gentle, joking way he always has.
“Stop it, Shel. You can’t mean that. You’re too damn smart to stay here and miss your chance to see the history you’re always reading about. There’s a whole world out there, and everyone with a brain like yours ought to see it—at least some of it—before your life plans get set in stone.”
My heart skips a beat.
He doesn’t know anything about my plans.
I’ve never told him or anybody else.
I’ve always been too afraid to say a word, even though it includes him. And leaving for a freaking warzone he might never escape may just blow my world into confetti.
“Is that why you joined the Army? To see the world?”
He looks at me for a long time, this sad half moon smile scrawled on his face.