I can’t find it in me to feel shame. She deserved what she got, but in my gut, I know Alessio won’t feel that way.
Alessio loves her. He thinks of her as a mother. As family.
I told Nino to keep trying to send that text to come home. A chill moves over me as I consider that he could be here at any moment. I can’t face him. Not after this. I can’t let him see what I’ve done, because I know I won’t survive his grief over this betrayal.
My thoughts move toward survival as I search Gwen’s clothes. When I find her keys, I remove them and stuff them into my pocket. There won’t be time to search the office for the boathouse keys. This is the only option that makes sense.
Robotically, I wash the blood from my hands before I run back to the house. I stop on the second level for my bag and then head straight for the closet in Alessio’s room. I tap on the door four times, and Nino opens it. He can see something isn’t right, and guilt washes over me when he shines the phone light at my shirt. There’s still blood there, but there isn’t time to think about it. I grab one of Alessio’s coats from the closet and take Nino’s hand.
“Is everything okay?” he asks. “Did you find Manuel?”
I force a nod and sign that it’s okay.
Downstairs, I secure him into the backseat of Gwen’s car. The entire time, my heart is beating out of my chest, and I’m paranoid Alessio will show up any second, but I have to manage one problem at a time.
I smooth my hands over Nino’s arms in reassurance before I take the phone from him and toss it onto the lawn.
We’re going on a car ride. Don’t worry, okay. You’re safe now.
He nods, and I climb into the driver’s seat. My fingers fumble with the keys before I realize there’s not a place for them. It’s a start button ignition. It takes me three attempts to figure out I have to apply the brake to get it to work. I’m on the verge of a panic attack when the engine finally fires up. When it does, a silent sob of relief bursts from my lips.
We make it to the gate, and I’m paranoid it won’t open. As if somehow, in the span of what has probably only been fifteen minutes, Manuel has disabled my access. But it does open, and I drive right out. I drive down the street, and then another and another until I finally hit the freeway. Then I keep driving. I drive for hours until there’s no choice but to stop.
Nino is asleep in the backseat when I pull into the gas station. I glance back at him nervously, considering how to handle this situation. There’s no way I can use the debit card tied to my account, because Alessio has that information. I don’t doubt he’s probably already accessed it by now, searching for clues. I’ll have to pay cash inside, and I can’t leave Nino out here, even with the doors locked.
I feel horrible for waking him up, but I have to do it. He stirs slowly, looking around in confusion when he notices where we are.
Are you thirsty? I ask.
He shakes his head, and I comb his hair away from his face with my fingers.
I have to go inside. Do you need to use the bathroom?
This time, he nods. I’m relieved when he starts to move on his own, unbuckling and climbing out of the car. He takes my hand, and I walk him inside where he uses the bathroom, and then we grab a bottle of water just in case. I don’t know where I’ll stop again. We need to find somewhere to stay for the night. I have some cash on me, but at some point, I’ll have to access more. That’s a problem for another time. Right now, I just need to get back on the road.
We pay the cashier and walk back to the car. I help Nino inside and buckle him in, giving him the water. I’m a nervous wreck as I try to figure out how to open the gas tank, which turns out to be another button inside. The car smells like Gwen’s perfume, and it makes me nauseous as images of her dead body flicker in and out of my mind.
I wasn’t sorry when I killed her, but the numbness I enveloped myself in is beginning to dissipate. All I’ve been able to think about for the last hour is Alessio’s reaction when he realizes what I’ve done. I know they had their problems, but he thought of Gwen as his family. I can’t regret killing her when she would have done the same to me, but it sickens me that I have inevitably hurt Alessio by doing so.