Her eyes are soft as she looks up at me hesitantly. I think it’s the first time I’ve even made direct eye contact with her since the night in New York. I’ve done my best to avoid her, but right now, my thoughts are all over the place, and I wasn’t prepared for this. She holds out the phone in her hand, indicating that she has something to say.
I step away from Angelo and meet her in the middle of the foyer. From this close, I can smell her new perfume. It’s something soft and sweet she picked up on a shopping trip with Abella. That scent has been haunting the halls of this house ever since, and it’s driving me crazy.
I’m already on edge, and I try to justify that as the reason I feel so disconcerted in her presence. Truthfully, I’m half expecting this to be a goodbye note, even though I’m certain she knows she can’t leave. Instead, I’m greeted with something even more unnerving when she hits play.
Can I talk to you? It’s important.
“I..” My voice fractures and I shake my head. “I can’t right now.”
She reaches out and touches my arm, her throat working as she forces herself to speak. “I’m your wife, Alessio.”
“I know.” I swallow painfully, repressing the truth I’ve wanted to tell her for far too long. “I just… I have to be somewhere.”
She lowers her lashes, nodding without further protest. Why would she? I’ve done everything in my power to fuck this up for us. If she doesn’t hate me yet, it’s only a matter of time.
She turns to go, and I watch her walk away. It’s the only time I can watch her. What I really want to do is drag her back and kiss her. I want to tell her I never meant to hurt her, but it would be a lie. I had to hurt her so I couldn’t destroy her later. It was always inevitable that I would.
Angelo clears his throat, and I drag my gaze away, forcing myself out the door. Later. Everything else will have to wait until Enzo is dead. Until then, there can be no peace.
Outside, we get into his car, and he drives because I’m too amped up to focus. I need to prepare my thoughts for the Tribunal. It’s been consuming my mind for so long I haven’t been able to see anything else. Angelo has other plans, apparently.
“Why didn’t you hear what she had to say?” he asks.
I glance over at him. “We had to leave.”
“When you have a beautiful wife at home who wants to talk to you, who gives a fuck what’s waiting for you. You should listen to what she has to say.”
I laugh at the absurdity of his statement. “Ironic, coming from you. Would you listen to Abella if she asked you to talk?”
His grip on the wheel tightens, and so does his jaw. “It’s not the same.”
“No?”
“No.” He glares at me. “What Abella did was unforgivable. In your case, I think it’s safe to say it’s the other way around. Natalia’s loyalty to you is unwavering. All you have to do is look at her to see that.”
“You don’t know anything.” I stare out the window.
“I know you’ve been moping around for weeks, acting like a fucking lunatic. You’ve convinced yourself you can’t rest until you deal with Enzo, but it’s just an excuse to avoid your real problem.”
“And what problem would that be?” I grit out.
“I’ve known you forever, Alessio.” He guides the car onto the interstate, checking the mirror as he accelerates. “This is what you always do. You push the people who care about you away. That’s the real reason you went to live with the Marcone's instead of us when you lost your family. With them, you had nothing to lose. It’s a pattern. A survival instinct. You think it will hurt less if you fail everyone from the beginning than if you fail them in the end, so you don't even try. You did it with Nino, and now you’re doing it with her. It’s not going to save you or anyone else. All you’re doing is making everyone miserable, including yourself.”
His words hit me like a goddamned bullet I didn’t see coming. I can’t deny their accuracy. It’s exactly what I do, what I’ve always done, because deep down, I’m fucking terrified I’m going to hurt someone the way my father hurt me. It’s crippled me in more ways than I can count, but Angelo is wrong about one thing. It’s protected the people in my life too.
“I couldn’t live with myself if I caused them that type of pain,” I answer quietly. “You can’t understand.”
“It’s because you’ve been through that type of pain that I know you’ll never hurt them that way.” Angelo dodges in and out of the morning traffic, his eyes focused on the road ahead. “What are you even afraid of? I know you’d never be unfaithful to her, so it isn’t that.”