“I’m sorry, mom. I didn’t mean to upset you.”
No, I’m sorry, I sign to him. I know this isn’t fair to you. I miss all those things too.
“Then why can’t we go back?” he asks.
I don’t have an answer for him. I don’t know how to explain that we can’t go back because, if we do, it means I might die. It feels selfish to hold him hostage in a life of misery, because of the target on my back. He deserves more than this, and I can’t help thinking I’ve made a huge mistake. I came back into his life when he already had a life of his own, and I think maybe I was too late. Maybe he was better off with Alessio, where he was happy and safe.
Nothing makes sense, and everything’s a mess. So, I do the only thing I can. I hold him, and we cry together.
36
Natalia
Something stirs me from my sleep, and at first, I think it’s Nino. Our bedroom has twin beds, which were free with the house when I rented it. I sleep in one, and he sleeps in the other, but he often gets up once in the middle of the night to use the bathroom, which always wakes me. When I glance over at his bed, it’s empty, and it takes me a second to realize the bathroom light isn’t on either.
I sit up, and my heart jumps into my throat when I notice the dark silhouette standing at the end of the bed, watching me. Fear wraps its ugly claws around me as I toss the blankets aside and stand up. I didn’t get to say goodbye. That’s the only thing I can think about as I dart around the shadow and out into the living room.
“He’s already gone,” Alessio’s voice follows me as I run toward the window. “Manuel is taking him home.”
I press my fingers against the glass, a muted sob falling from my lips as I scan the driveway. There’s a dark car out there, but nobody’s in it. He’s not lying. Nino is already gone. They swept in and took him quietly in the middle of the night. They didn’t even give me a chance to hug him one last time.
“It doesn’t feel very good, does it?” Alessio’s voice draws nearer.
I’m afraid to look at him. I’m terrified of what I might find when I do. I can’t forget what he did, and I’m still hurting because of it. I’m angry at him for destroying what we could have been. I’m devastated that he could be so merciless to take Nino away without a goodbye, but love is the most complicated human emotion. It doesn’t go away just because someone gravely wounds us. We have to be willing to let it go, and I never was.
The warmth of his body presses against mine, and I shiver, blinking away the tears that begin to fall. He pulls me closer, his fingertips sweeping over my jaw as he turns my head toward him. Moonlight pours in through the window, highlighting the features I’ve come to know so well. He’s still Alessio. The same man who can manage to intimidate you one second and soften you the next. His eyes are just as piercing as they ever were. His jaw is just as strong, and I suspect his hair is still as soft as it was when I dragged my fingers through it more times than I can count. There is something different about him though. He looks thinner, the hollows of his eyes darker. I want to believe it’s because he’s been as tormented as I have, but it feels foolish even to consider it.
“You smell the same.” He drags his nose through my hair, inhaling me, and my knees nearly buckle. It shouldn’t feel so good. I shouldn’t be so relaxed in the arms of the man who’s most certainly come to kill me.
His grip on my face tightens, and he pulls me closer, his lips hovering a breath away from mine. When he kisses me, it feels like it might be the last time. Maybe it’s the first. I can’t tell anymore. It starts soft, and then my lips give way to him. His tongue enters my mouth, and he tastes me with a growl, the sound reverberating down my throat. We fall back into the same old pattern, and I melt against his body despite the adrenaline coursing through my veins. Maybe it’s sick to want this one last time, but I do. If he’s going to destroy me, the least he can do is satisfy me first.
His free hand slides over the curve of my hip, and he yanks my ass back against his erection, grinding it into me. My staggered breaths fall between his lips, and he drinks them, swallowing the taste of me like it gives him life. He releases my jaw, his fingers drifting down the sensitive skin on my neck. I wonder if this is it, but then his palm is sliding beneath my nightgown, groping my breast. He bunches up the hem of the silky fabric around my hip with his other fist, exposing me to the cool air. His teeth scrape against my lip, penetrating the flesh, and he releases it with a hum of approval when he tastes the metallic tang of my blood. I sway in his arms, lightheaded from the adrenaline crash and that kiss. He tightens his grip on me, holding me upright as his fingers glide through the slickness between my thighs.