Because he wanted to keep her safe. Wanted to keep their baby safe.
He’d left when she’d asked him to, seeing she had been too upset to have the talk they needed to have, sensing that the emotions of both of them had been running too high. He’d been fine on his drive home. Fine when he’d walked through the front door. But when he’d crawled into his bed, alone, he’d done what he hadn’t done in years. Not since right after Sandra and Shelby’s accident. He’d been fairly positive there were no tears left inside him. The night the woman and her daughter died in the E.R. had been his first clue he might be wrong. He’d felt a crack in the protective wall that guarded his heart. Making love with Abby had sent a whole lot of bricks tumbling to the ground. Bricks he’d needed to keep himself safe.
But with Abby, she came first. Her and their baby. In that, she’d bulldozed right through the barriers around his heart, leaving him vulnerable.
Leaving him exposed to her warmth. Exposed to needing her. He’d been fighting to keep from making love to her every second they were together but as much as he’d enjoyed the passion they’d shared, he hadn’t enjoyed how much he’d needed her, how connected he’d felt to her, how much he’d hurt if something happened to Abby.
She’d been right about him. He had kept his family at a distance. Had kept them at arm’s length. How could he not? He’d always been the strong one in the family, but after Sandra and Shelby’s deaths, he hadn’t been strong.
He’d hated them seeing him that way.
Hated anyone seeing him that way.
So he’d shut them out.
No wonder they’d held an intervention.
He’d needed one. And more.
He’d needed Abby, so much so that he’d tried to hold her at arm’s length, too, for fear of loving again, of possibly losing that love again.
Need had won out. Need and so much more.
He loved Abby. And wanted to risk holding her and the baby they’d made close to his heart.
But judging by the way she hadn’t returned his calls, had all but ignored him since her arrival at shift change, he might have realized too late.
God, he couldn’t lose Abby. In her, he’d found his salvation. Had found himself again.
If he’d lost her, he had no one to blame except himself. But he refused to accept that she wouldn’t forgive his ignorance.
It was Christmas. A day of miracles. A day meant to be with the ones you loved. Somehow, he’d show Abby he could be the man she and their child needed.
A man who could be whole and start living again.
A man he desperately wanted to be. Abby’s man.
If he had to go to drastic measures to make that happen, then so be it.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
IF EVER Abby would forgive him, this had to be the way. Hell, he hoped he wasn’t wrong. Otherwise he was going to look like the bigge
st idiot who’d ever walked the face of the earth.
Which didn’t bother him near as much as the thought of not winning Abby’s forgiveness, of winning her love and trust.
It had taken him several hours to make arrangements for what he wanted to do.
But, finally, here he stood. Most likely she’d already gone to bed, would sleep for several hours.
Maybe it was wrong of him, but Dirk helped himself to the hide-a-key she’d told him where to find on the day he’d knocked and knocked without her answering.
Her house was quiet. Just as he’d expected it to be.
Not even Mistletoe was anywhere to be seen.
Quietly, closing the front door behind him, Dirk set into play what he hoped would show Abby everything in his heart.