He didn’t immediately deny her claim.
“It’s true, isn’t it?” Her voice broke as she pushed for a response. She closed her eyes, shook her head. “Allowing you to come here was a mistake.”
“I asked myself a dozen times why you did. Why you and the pharmacist are no longer together. Reality is we needed to talk, Emily.”
Restlessness hit her and she couldn’t stay seated in her chair a moment longer. She jumped up and moved across the kitchen.
“Despite our past and the way things ended, you’re as curious as I am to see if the heat is still there. You want to know if you’ll melt at my fingertips if I touch you.”
“No.” She grabbed hold of the countertop and white-knuckled the edges. She didn’t want to know those things. Not really. She just... Oh, help her. Curiosity was going to kill her.
“You could have said no to cooking for me,” he reminded. “Why didn’t you?”
Why had she agreed to let him come to her apartment? Had she just wanted to see him? To spend time with him?
She let go of the countertop, turned away from him.
He stepped over to her, put his hands on her shoulders. “Upsetting you isn’t what I want. What I want is to make you feel good, to make you happy. It’s what I always wanted but could never seem to get quite right.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
LUCAS WAS TOUCHING her again. Emily didn’t want him touching her. The heat of his hands burned right through her T-shirt, scorching her flesh, branding her with memories.
“Why are you saying these things?” she asked, hating that her voice cracked, that she wasn’t strong enough to hide her emotions.
His thumbs stroked over her flesh, making tiny waves of awareness shoot through her. “I’m not over you.”
Something inside Emily shattered. She wasn’t sure if it was her resolve or if it was the glued-back-together pieces of her heart. Either way the impact left her unsteady.
Oh, the times she’d dreamed of this conversation. At times, she’d dreamed of falling into his arms, of their kissing, making love, laughing that they’d ever let anything come between them and vowing to never lose sight of each other again. At others, she’d lift her chin and scornfully laugh at his admission, telling him that ship had long ago sailed.
Instead of doing either, she seemed frozen in place, stiff and cold in his heated hands.
“Emily, when I told you I wanted to be your friend, to kiss you, I was serious.” He sounded serious. His hands gently squeezing her shoulders, turning her around to face him, felt serious. “That is what I want. I want to be a part of your life again, to have you be a part of my life. I didn’t know that when I took the position at Children’s, but I do now.”
“What about what I want?” she asked, trying and failing to keep the pain out of her voice. She did not want to give this man any power over her. Feeling pain was letting him have power over her. He didn’t deserve that power. He didn’t deserve anything from her.
“What do you want, Emily?”
“That one’s easy.”
There went her chin jutting forward. “For you to go away and to never have to see you again.”
Silence.
“Is that really what you want?” He touched her chin, forcing her to face him, stared down into her eyes. His gaze searched hers with an intensity that made her legs no sturdier than the barely touched pudding sitting on the table. “Do you want me to resign from my position at Children’s, to disappear from your life and never bother you again? Because if that will make you happy, then I’ll give you that, Emily. Tell me what you want right now, and I’ll do anything within my power to give you what you want.”
She blinked up at him, unable to answer with words.
Because the words that would come out weren’t the words that should come out.
She wanted him to disappear and never bother her again. Really, she did. That was the absolute best thing that could happen. She’d loved him more than anything in the world and he’d broken her to bits, left her devastated and alone when she’d fallen apart and lost everything. She should hate him.
“Answer me, Emily. Do you want me to go away and never bother you again? To leave Children’s and never purposefully cross your path again? Just say the words, and I’ll go.”
“I...” She paused, her gaze dropping to his mouth. When had he gotten so close that his breath fanned her lips? When had his warm body become almost flush with hers?
“I don’t want to go, Emily, but if that’s what you want, I will.”