“Pleasure. Nothing more,” she immediately answered, refusing to give the question more thought. “Just pleasure.”
Which she was feeling with her body pressed up against his. When was the music going to change back to something upbeat?
“Yet you were having sex with a man who didn’t give you physical pleasure,” he pointed out.
Her feet stilled. “I never said Richard didn’t give me physical pleasure.”
Nor did she recall telling him she’d been having sex with Richard, although maybe she had.
“Did he?”
She frowned. “You don’t hear me asking about the women you’ve been with since our divorce, do you? You have no right to ask me about Richard or any other man.”
“Have there been others, Emily?” he asked, whether he had the right or not. His body had stiffened against hers, as if he were bracing himself for her answer.
She was tempted to lie, to say that there had been dozens, many men who shamed him as a lover. But she’d never been much on untruths.
“No.” She didn’t elaborate.
“I’m glad.”
Frustration ran up and down her spine. She pulled back to glare at him. “Really? You’re glad that in the past five years I’ve had one lover besides you? How absolutely selfish is that when I’ve no doubt you’ve had dozens of women.”
“There haven’t been dozens of women, Emily.” He closed his eyes, took a deep breath. “I’ll be the first to admit I have no right to feel jealous of any man touching you—I gave up that right—but, Emily, I do. The thought of you being with anyone other than me rips me up inside.”
“Don’t say that.”
“Why not?”
“Because we both know that whatever this is between us right now, it’s temporary, and I don’t intend to spend my life alone. There will be other men, Lucas. Someday. Maybe I’ll get lucky and meet someone who can give me all the things I want first thing after you, but, if not, then I’m okay with having a few hot affairs first.”
“No.”
“No?”
He let out an exasperated breath. “What is it you want from a man, Emily?”
“From you or from some other man?”
“Both.”
“From you, sex.”
He nodded as if he knew that was going to be her answer.
“From other men?” She shrugged. “Someday, I want to meet a man whom I can have a good life with, a couple of kids, go to parent-teacher meetings and soccer games, that kind of thing.”
Kids. Her heart squeezed. Would she ever have children? Did she even want to risk pregnancy again? What if she couldn’t carry a pregnancy to full-term?
“You deserve that.”
Oh, Lucas. If only...
“I know. I do,” she agreed, wondering if there was ever a way to repair the hurt once so much had piled up on a person.
“But not with me?”
Her breath caught. “What are you saying, Lucas? You don’t want those things. You don’t even want kids.”