“Yeah, I was,” she said and meant it. At least, she thought she did. At the moment, everything was swirling in her mind. “Continuing this only spells disaster for me and I want off the ride before we crash.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
LUCAS HAD CONSIDERED skipping out on Kevin Rogers’s funeral but in the end had opted to attend.
Currently, he sat in a church pew, listening to the pastor doing the funeral service recite accounts of the little boy’s life and how he’d been a blessing to his parents.
Surprisingly,
Emily sat next to him. She wore a pretty black dress that was classy and made her eyes sparkle like emeralds.
He wasn’t holding her hand and was acutely aware of that fact. For that matter, he was acutely aware of the fact that he’d not seen her or spoken to her or kissed her or made love to her for the past two days. He’d done his best to avoid her, to give her what she wanted. He’d stayed away.
She’d been waiting on the steps when he’d arrived at the church. She’d looked tense, as if she didn’t want to be there.
She could have not shown. Not Emily. She was always one to fulfill her responsibilities.
Despite how uncomfortable she’d appeared, she’d also taken his breath. Lord, he missed her.
Only the memory of her depression, knowing that he’d caused her sadness, had given him the power to honor her request of staying away. Still, he’d struggled, had wanted to take her in his arms and demand she tell him what it was about him that caused her to hurt inside so much.
Was that why he’d stayed away all these years? Because he’d watched a bubbly young woman turn into a sad, depressed shell of herself and he’d blamed himself?
He should have talked to her back then, explained how he felt, enlisted her parents’ help in getting her depression treated. He’d have gone to counseling with her, would have done whatever it took.
Emily deserved a good life, a happy life. If she felt he was a complication she didn’t need, that she was happier without him, he’d leave her alone.
Maybe he’d even leave Children’s because having to see her would be torture knowing he could never have her.
He’d hate to leave Children’s, but he wouldn’t submit Emily, or himself, to having to see each other daily. Nor would he submit himself to having to see her meet and fall in love with someone else.
She wanted a husband, kids, a family.
He wanted those things, too. With Emily.
With Emily, the thought echoed through his mind.
He glanced over at her, thinking he’d just sneak a quick look, but frowned at what he saw.
Emily was crying.
Not tears of a nurse who’d just met a young child once in a surgical suite, but real tears that were ripped from her heart.
Past memories of tears rocked him. Memories of not knowing what to do. Of being helpless to ease her tears.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer, hugging her in an embrace he hoped would comfort.
Her tears worsened and Lucas felt lost.
Hadn’t her tears always left him feeling lost?
* * *
Who would have dreamed that Emily would someday be sitting in a church with Lucas attending a funeral service for a child?
Not her.
She’d known today was going to be difficult, but she’d not felt right about not attending after she’d said she would. She’d braced herself. But she’d not been prepared for the onslaught of tears that had hit her as she listened to the pastor extol the boy’s life and how blessed his parents had been to have him for four years.