The ER's Newest Dad

“That wouldn’t have been the only reason and you know it.”

“I know nothing. You left so whatever the other reasons were, they weren’t enough.”

“I didn’t know,” he repeated.

“Lucky you,” she seethed, going on the offensive because she didn’t like being defensive, didn’t like any of the feelings swirling around in her chest. “Nothing to stand in the way of your career aspirations.”

“Lucky me?” He resumed his pacing, his hands thrust deep in his pockets as if he didn’t know what else to do with them. Or perhaps it was to keep him from wrapping them round her neck because he looked as if he’d like to do that and more. “I’ve missed out on almost five years of my son’s life and you call me lucky?”

When he put it like that...

“You don’t even like kids,” she accused, guilt punching a hole in her argument.

He stopped, turned to face her, his cheeks blotched red. “Who said I don’t like kids?”

Brielle slid her hands under her thighs, feeling restless just sitting on the sofa. “I saw how you reacted earlier when I said I had a son, how you clammed up when you discovered I was a mother.”

“Exactly. I discovered you were a mother.” He made his claim sound like a dirty accusation. “You should have told me, Brielle. You had no right to keep that to yourself. No right whatsoever.”

“I had every right.” But she hadn’t. Hadn’t she already admitted that to herself?

“No, you didn’t. He is mine. Just as much mine as yours.”

Fear replaced guilt and she jumped to her feet, started pacing herself.

“What is that supposed to mean? Justice is my son.” If she’d been close enough to Ross she’d have poked her finger in his face to emphasize her point. “I wanted him when you very plainly told me that you no longer wanted anything to do with me or anything that was even slightly involved with me. You told me you didn’t want me in your life. Well, Justice has to do with me, is more than slightly involved with me. I carried him in my body, loved him from the moment I found out about him and more and more every day since. He is mine. You didn’t want him.”

“Have you not heard a word I’ve said? I didn’t know he existed.” He enunciated each word slowly, emphasizing his point.

She crossed her arms over her chest. “If you’d stuck around, you would have known.”

“I shouldn’t have had to stick around to know I’d fathered a child. You should have told me the moment you discovered you were pregnant.” Confusion lit his face. Sincere, real confusion. And hurt. Hurt that ran so deep he looked gutted. “Why didn’t you?”

The emotional damn she’d erected to hold in over five years worth of doubt and pain burst. Tears flowed down her face and she swatted at the hot moisture. She hated this. Hated having to admit to how she’d felt when she’d discovered she was pregnant, hated it that all those same fears and insecurities were swamping her present.

“Because I loved you.” She mumbled the words but couldn’t manage anything clearer.

“Speak up. I couldn’t understand you.”

After a deep breath, she repeated herself.

He laughed. An ironic laugh, not humorous at all, that grated along her raw nerves. “You loved me? How can you say that?” He gazed at her with contempt. “You stole something from me that I can never get back.”

“I...” She wrapped her arms tighter around herself, wishing she could find a glimmer of comfort. What could she say? He was right. He couldn’t ever get the time back with Justice that she’d denied him. “I didn’t think you wanted to be in his life.”

“A decision you made without consulting me,” he pointed out, his expression terse. “You were wrong.”

“I tried to tell you,” she retorted defensively, reminding herself that she had attempted to tell him at their apartment and again when she’d gone to Boston.

“Right. You’re a smart woman, Brielle. If you tried, I’d have known.” He paced across the room, his gaze bouncing around the room, taking in every photo, every knick-knack.

Unsure what she should do, Brielle sat down again, tucking her palms up under her legs, wishing she could just snuggle down into the cushions and forget any of this had happened.

“That’s what changed, wasn’t it? Those last few weeks when I couldn’t figure out what had happened to the amazing, wonderful woman I’d been sharing my life with? You kept acting so strange and I couldn’t figure out what was different. You knew you were pregnant that whole time and, rather than tell me, you...” He stopped walking, his eyes grew round, his face reddened so much she thought he might blow his top. “That’s what the sudden urge to get married was all about. Brielle, all you had to do was tell me you were pregnant and I’d have married you.”

Brielle cringed. Deep and all the way through her body she cringed. “I didn’t want you to marry me because I was pregnant.”

“But you were pregnant,” he pointed out, missing her point.