Adam liked his life. He had a great job, a hobby he loved, financial freedom, and Liz. Now all the best parts were slipping through his fingers like loose grains of sand. He wanted to grasp each bit, hold it all in place, but doing so was futile.
“Adam?” Dr Winters touched his forearm. “I’m concerned about you. You’re not suicidal?”
His life might be over in many ways, but he wasn’t a murderer and in his eyes suicide was a form of murder. He laughed with a bitterness he wasn’t sure had ever come from his lips before. “Suicidal? No, I’m not suicidal.”
Although he’d rather die than burden Liz with taking care of him for years on end.
“You know…” Dr Winters studied him “…there are lots of people who have MS who live fairly normal lives.”
Adam nodded. There were, but he had to face facts. His life would never be the same. He had MS and no way of knowing that the future wouldn’t leave him an encumbrance.
How could he do that to Liz? How could he put her in the position of having to take care of him that way? It would be like starti
ng all over with her grandfather. Each day Liz would have to care for him, wonder if he’d be able to do anything for himself, if he’d know who she was, as memory issues occasionally went along with MS.
She’d lose all possibility of having a normal life.
They had to end. Continuing their relationship was condemning Liz to a life sentence.
He wouldn’t be able to tell her why. She’d never let him walk away if she knew about his MS. Not his Liz. No, she’d insist on staying by his side, caring for him despite him trying to push her away so she wouldn’t carry this burden.
He didn’t expect her to understand. Not at first, but in the long run she’d discover he’d done the right thing to set her free.
What woman who’d already given up so much of her life to care for an invalid would want to take on that burden a second time?
Worse, what kind of man would he be if he knowingly let her?
CHAPTER FOUR
WHILE chatting on the phone with Kelly, Liz chopped a tomato. Her stomach protested at the thought of yet another salad, but she had to eat and these days her stomach protested at everything anyway. Tonight would be no exception regardless of what she ate so she’d at least eat healthily.
“I’ve barely seen Adam since my grandfather died. I miss him so much. We haven’t spent enough time together for me to figure it out, but I know something is going on with him. He says nothing’s wrong, but he’s just not been himself.”
“He has seemed a bit distracted at work lately,” Kelly agreed, pausing in thought before saying, “Maybe he doesn’t know what to say to comfort you and that makes him feel inadequate.”
“Maybe.” What Kelly said sort of made sense, but Liz wasn’t convinced. Adam wasn’t an inadequate kind of man. With reason. There wasn’t a thing inadequate about Dr Adam Cline. Except his communication skills for the past month. “But Adam was perfect during Gramps’s funeral and right afterwards. He held me and with his arms around me I knew everything would be all right. Just his being with me was enough.”
She sighed. Kelly had to be tired of listening to her go on and on about Adam.
“Sorry, Kel. I know I’ve turned into a major whiner, but worrying about Adam is driving me crazy. I can’t stand not seeing him or talking to him when it’s so obvious something’s bothering him. When I know he’s not telling me something.”
“If it was anyone other than Adam I’d ask if you thought he was seeing someone else.”
With the way he hadn’t been able to get rid of her fast enough on the day they’d gone to the nursing home and then so obviously avoiding her since then, that thought had crossed her mind, but she’d quickly dismissed it. Adam loved her and was the most honorable man she knew. If he was interested in someone else, he’d tell her.
“I don’t understand what’s going on with him, but I don’t think it’s another woman.”
“Then you need to confront him. Make him tell you what’s bothering him,” Kelly advised, not for the first time. “Sorry to cut you short, but Jason’s here.” Kelly had dinner plans with the hospital pharmacist she had been dating on and off for the past few months. “I just called to check on you and to see if you’d had a chance to talk with Adam. I really think this is all just a misunderstanding of some kind. I’m sure he’s fine. That everything’s fine.”
Guilt washed over Liz. Her friend had called to check on her and all she’d done had been to moan and groan.
“I’m sorry to lay all this on you.” Eyeing the tomato wedges, she set the knife on the counter. “I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Liz…” Kelly hesitated. “Promise me you’ll get some rest and not let this keep eating away at you. You’ve lost weight and look so tired. I know you keep saying you’re worried about Adam, but I’m worried about you.”
“I’ll try to get some rest.” She would try. Not that that meant she’d actually get any sleep.
More often than not she caught herself lying in bed remembering the happy days before Gramps had got sick. Remembering him taking her down to Tillman’s Hollow to go fishing in Riley Arnold’s pond when she’d been a small girl. Remembering his laughter at Barney Fife’s antics as they’d watched The Andy Griffith Show—Gramps’s favorite. Remembering his look of pride when she’d graduated from high school with honors.