Which was also part of why she felt the need to keep Carrie from getting too attached to her.
Natalie’s gaze dropped to her hand. Her hand that was encased in a small, warm one. The girl’s other hand was clasped with Matthew’s. To anyone looking their way, they probably looked like a happy little family.
The reality was, her and Matthew’s relationship was temporary. It was why she was so reluctant to spend time with the girl. How could she let Carrie get attached when she knew eventually she’d no longer be in her life? That she’d have to leave the child, the way so many had come in and out of her own childhood?
But the little girl taking her hand and clasping it tightly had given Natalie a warm, fuzzy feel inside, making her wish she was truly part of a family, this family, making her wish this were real and not temporary.
She glanced up, realized Matthew was still watching her and blushed a little that he’d caught her staring at her hand laced with Carrie’s.
Could he see how torn she was? How part of her thrilled at the child’s affection? How part of her wanted to shield herself and Carrie from future pain?
Although she’d not explained her feelings to him, no doubt he’d realized her current biggest hang-up centered around Carrie and not the hospital. When things went south with their relationship, work could, and likely would, be problematic. If things went sour that would prompt her to look for a department head position over her own pediatric cardiology unit. As long as things were good with Matthew, she didn’t see herself stepping outside the comfortable box she currently found herself in.
Comfortable? That might be stretching it.
She wasn’t comfortable with her relationship with Matthew.
Eventually, his desire for her would change. Just as Jonathan’s had.
And then he’d leave.
Definitely better not to get too attached to Carrie, and not to let the innocent girl get too attached to her, when Natalie knew how that ripping away of relationships felt in the wake of tragedy.
Better for her not to get too attached to Matthew, either.
She feared she might be too late on that one.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
NATALIE COULDN’T RECALL ever having been this nervous.
Carrie had gone to a sleepover birthday party for Matthew’s youngest niece, and so he had invited Natalie over for a sleepover party at his place. She’d packed a bag and spent the night. Somehow, that morning over breakfast, he’d talked her into going with him to have a birthday
lunch for his niece at his mother’s. Probably because she’d caught that vulnerable look in his eyes that parental tasks to do with Carrie so often brought out in him—that look that was so at odds with everything else about him.
Still, she shouldn’t have agreed.
“This is a bad idea.”
Matthew glanced over at her from the driver’s seat. “Why’s that?”
“I shouldn’t be here.”
“Of course you should. I want you here.”
“What about your family? What are they going to think when I’m with you? What about your sister? She’s going to know we spent the night together. Your mom, too.”
“That bothers you?”
Apparently, it did.
“Don’t worry. All my family will love you.”
Amazingly, they seemed to do just that.
Natalie had been hugged and had her cheeks kissed a dozen times. She’d been introduced to aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors, and hoped there wasn’t a pop quiz because no way would she ever remember all their names.
Elaine shared her brother’s pale blue eyes and dark hair and was a beautiful woman, as were her two daughters. Her husband was a boisterous Italian who worked in the restaurant business, but Natalie didn’t catch any more details than that.