This is real.
“Slow down,” I hold out a hand. “How does this even work?”
“I can explain everything,” Sulli says, “But mostly, we get to choose our relationship. We define the boundaries. No one else.” She grins. “Wild, right?”
Banks smiles.
I try hard not to feed off their excited energy, but I can feel my lips already rising. “This might not work,” I say realistically. “I mean, what do we even call each other?”
She touches a hand to my chest. “You’re my boyfriend.” She puts a hand on Banks’. “You’re also my boyfriend.”
I narrow my eyes at Banks. “Does that make you my boyfriend?”
Sulli smiles. “Not unless you like that term with each other,” she says. “If you’re not romantically involved, it’s like a V-triad, I think that’s what Beckett said. It’s not a triangle, and in a V, I’m the hinge between you two. You can call each other metamours. Closer than a friend but not quite a boyfriend.”
Metamour.
Banks is my metamour.
Strange, but interesting. I’ve literally never heard that word until today, and it sounds like something from a fantasy novel, not real life. I’m tempted to open my phone and look up metamour. But then again, Sulli said we should define our relationship.
We could call each other Pop-Tarts for all it matters.
Shit, I’m already confirming this in my head like it’s real. Like I want this.
Because you do, Nine.
I breathe in deeply.
The pain I’ve felt this entire trip has been from the idea of losing one of them. Banks or Sulli. This outcome has the least amount of pain, but it’s also going to be the hardest for her. I don’t want to burst her happy bubble, but I need to make sure this is everything she wants.
“Sul,” I say. “I can’t be your boyfriend in secret.”
Hurt crosses her face. “You wouldn’t be.” She looks to Banks. “Neither would you. I would tell everyone that I’m proudly in a poly relationship. And even though I learned what that is this morning, it doesn’t change my feelings for both of you that have existed far fucking before it.”
“The media—”
“Fuck the media,” Sulli says.
“Sulli,” Banks interjects. “Akara is right. You have to just give it a second thought. This won’t be your normal bout of attention. It’s going to drive a lot of focus onto your life.”
She swallows hard. “And I know it’s going to be tough. The media cannibalized my dad for dating my mom, just because of their age difference, and my dad has always been unapologetic in his love for her. They stayed together, despite the headlines, the lies, the rumors—they never let the media tell them who to love or what to do with their lives.” Her eyes well up with conviction in her voice. “I wouldn’t be a Meadows if I didn’t unapologetically go at life at a hundred-and-fifty-miles per hour. No brakes.” She exhales, “I’m tired of playing it safe.”
Sulli is wrong.
She is really good with words. Those ones wash over me like a euphoric cleansing. Before I can speak, she adds, “And the other option is losing each other, and that sounds infinitely worse. I’ll take tough over lonely. Any day of the week.”
Wind picks up harder. To block the gusts, we close the distance between each other. A huddle forming. “If the three of us are going to be in a relationship,” I say—which causes both of them to smile wide. I roll my eyes. “—then we have to agree to something.”
“Anything,” Sulli says and clasps my hand.
Banks puts a hand on my shoulder.
Strength pools within me. Love surrounds me. For how much I lost in my life, I’ve gained everything today.
“We don’t make this into some big announcement,” I tell them. “If someone asks, we be upfront about it. We feel the moment.”
“Feel the moment,” Sulli nods, squeezing my hand.
“Feel the moment,” Banks agrees.
Feel the moment.
57
SULLIVAN MEADOWS
Three hours outside Philly, I climb with my dad. He didn’t tell me why we needed to climb this route at the quarry, but he said meet me fucking there.
So I’m here. But my dad is nowhere to be found. Now I start to wonder if this has to do with the cougar attack. I rehashed the story to my parents yesterday after Booger arrived—safe and sound—back in Philly. There were tears, very long hugs, and a general happiness that I’m alive. My bodyguards are alive.
No one was left behind.
Maybe this is actually a safety lesson. He’s about to sneak up on me like a cougar. I glance over my shoulder. Nope, don’t fucking see him anywhere.
I walk along the base of the flat limestone. Akara and Banks trail behind but there’s some security issue back in Philly that they’re whispering about. Today could have been a different outcome. Alone.
Lonely.
Instead, I have boyfriends.
My boyfriends.
I’m smiling when I press the phone to my ear. The line clicks. “Hey, where are you?” I ask my dad.