I smile. “Too bad. Head’s already firmly wedged up there.”
He breathes hard and runs two hands through his hair. “You’ve had a couple serious relationships in your life, and you think you can handle a polyamorous one?”
“Whoa,” I hold up a hand. “You think I’ve had a couple serious relationships? When? Who?”
He frowns and his hands fall to his sides. “High school? Clara?”
I rock back. “Not serious, Thatcher. Not at all.” I raise my shoulders. “I think she was dating Bobby Donati the day after we slept together.”
“What about Denise? Eleventh grade?”
“That wasn’t even close to being a relationship. I didn’t let it get that far.”
“Why not?”
I shake my head a few times, thinking. “I don’t know. No spark? Wasn’t feeling it. I was a fucking kid, man.” I rub my unshaven jaw, then loosely thread my arms. “Nothing went anywhere but downhill, and I was fine with that. Less attachments.”
He blinks hard. “Why’d I think those lasted longer?”
I’m not surprised he read those situations wrong. “Probably because I didn’t care to talk about them. And probably because you wanted to think better of me than some playboy fucking around all the time.”
Thatcher grimaces. “You weren’t a playboy, Banks.”
I nod once. Looking back, I just needed an emotional connection to enjoy the sexual one. Wish I could tell Young Banks that before he went and had some miserable fuckin’ lays.
My brother wipes his lips. “So to confirm, you’ve had zero serious relationships.”
I bob my head. “Affirmative.”
“Christ, Banks,” he says heavily. “And you think this is a good idea?”
“It’s the only idea that makes any sense, Thatcher. Otherwise, I lose her and him. This way I get both. I want both.”
His frown lines deepen. “Are you sleeping with Akara too?”
“No,” I say casually, not hostile about it. “I’m not attracted to him like that. We’re just both sleeping with her.”
A question bores through his intense eyes.
“Ask it, man. You’re my brother.” I would never get offended at anything he said or did.
“Are you both fucking her at the same time?” he asks.
“Not yet.”
His eyes grow dark. “You’re not exactly small.”
I nod. “I’m being careful. I would never hurt her.”
“I know you wouldn’t mean to, but accidents can happen.”
I roll my eyes. “Anything else?”
“I don’t understand why you’re putting yourself through this. There are other girls—”
That one is a knife into the gut. “No,” I cut him off. “There’s only her.” What I have with Sulli can’t be replicated or reproduced with just any living soul. If these feelings were that easy to come by, I would’ve felt them before now.
“Her family won’t approve,” he says. “It’s not going to be easy for you or Akara.”
He doesn’t mention our family. Maybe because he knows their opinions don’t matter much to me. I’m like the wind—I go where I want. They know that. I know that.
Her family won’t approve.
That’s an understatement.
I run my hand over the eight ball. “Yeah, I figured.” I toss the eight-ball in the palm of my hand. “Ryke already hit me when Sulli told him about us.”
Thatcher solidifies. “Say again?”
“Ryke punched me.” I mime a fist to my lip.
Thatcher takes a better look at the reddened skin. Fear for me flickers in his stern gaze, but before he interrogates further, I tell him, “I’m not getting into the details right now.” I look him over in a quick sweep. “Do you approve?”
“No,” he says, not even hesitating. Not for one second. “Your happiness is my happiness, Banks. And I don’t see how this can end happily.”
“I’m happy now,” I reply. “Doesn’t that count for something?”
He opens his mouth. Closes it. Then opens it again. “Sometimes I think about him. Sometimes I wonder how unhappy he must have been to keep riding out to that quarry every night.”
Him.
Skylar.
Our brother.
Thatcher doesn’t break eye contact. “And then I think, all it takes is being unhappy enough. To get pushed down to a point where you can’t come back up. Your being happy now doesn’t change the fact that I believe you’ll be unhappy enough later.”
“Don’t do that,” I breathe. “Don’t throw down crash pads for me.”
He swallows hard. “I can’t help it. It’s what I do.”
I’m met with a brick wall. One that wants to protect me, but in doing so, is hurting me. How do I even deal with that? How can I hate him for it? It just causes a wave of pain that I don’t know where to pocket or shove down. All I want to do is retreat to what makes sense.
10
AKARA KITSUWON
Banks is gone. Sulli is gone. Normally, I’d feel comfortable with SFO, my men. But Farrow, Oscar, Donnelly, and Quinn have said nothing since the room partially vacated. Add in the fact that Jack is here, and I’m more on edge. Jack Highland-Oliveira is my friend, but my relationship being exposed to production (off-duty, sure) is not my ideal scenario.