She’s not wrong.
“Kits, I’ve seen you grab a beer after a long, hard fucking day a ton of times.”
Akara touches his chest. “Maybe I shouldn’t have.”
She gapes. “Seriously? You’re just saying that because you’re worried about me?”
Akara pushes his hair back, then glances at me like, you should take this one, Banks.
I step away from the dresser. “When I’m in my fucking feelings and need something to soften the edge of the day or night, I call on the worst friend I’ve ever made.”
Sulli processes, and I shrug to her. “I smoke. Cigarettes are my no-good, very bad fucking friend, and you don’t want a friend like that.”
She presses a hand to her flushed cheek. “It was one beer. Look, I know alcoholism runs in my family. I’ve been careful. I’m still careful.”
Is she?
Doubt touches her eyes as she stares from me to Akara, back to me. “Don’t look at me like that. Please.” Her voice cracks. “I’m fine.”
“It wasn’t just one spiked hot chocolate,” Akara refutes.
“I’m paying attention to what I’m drinking, I promise. I fucking promise.” She’s almost in tears. “Fuck.” She buries her face in her palms.
“Hey, hey, hey, mermaid.” I cross the room the same time as Akara. Our urgency and concern speed us towards Sulli like a bullet, and I sit on her left. Akara on her right.
He breathes against her ear, “We’re not trying to gang up on you, Sul.”
“I just need you both to trust me. I can’t have you against me…I don’t want to be all alone.”
I touch her head. “You’re not alone. We’re not going anywhere.”
“We have to be honest with you, okay?” Akara tells her. “We care too much about you.”
“We don’t want anything to happen to you,” I add.
Sulli peels her hands off her face. She swallows hard, unable to lift her gaze.
Akara is tensed. My muscles are flexed. We’re walking a thin rope between comforting her and making sure we don’t enable something that could go south fast. But so much shit has hit the fan recently. Christ, all I want to do is hold Sulli.
Akara ends up continuing, “All we’re saying is that you’re strong enough to deal with this crap without needing alcohol to calm your nerves.”
She frowns deeper. “So what…I’m not allowed to drink now?”
“That’s up to you, Sul.” He wraps an arm around her waist. “We’re not giving you rules. We’re just trying to look out for you.”
“I can handle it,” Sulli says under her breath. “I know my limits. I promise, I do.”
She’s been trying to prove to her family that she’s a responsible, capable adult.
But she doesn’t need to prove that to me.
“You’re always gonna be a strong woman in my eyes, Sullivan Meadows,” I profess, and her green eyes lift up to me. “Even when you’re crying, even when you’re struggling—I see your iron-will. You don’t ever need to be tough for me.”
Sulli wipes at her wet cheeks, intaking a deeper breath. She looks to Akara.
“Or for me,” Akara says, “though, you’re more like a little playful racoon around me—the donut bandit.”
She almost smiles, then lightly elbows him. Her glassy eyes drift between me and Akara. “I know…I know you both might disagree, but…I think I can figure out moderation. It’s in me.” She swallows harder. “I’ll try to be more aware of when I grab a drink so it’s not my no-good, very bad fucking friend. But I’m not spiraling or anything.”
It’s good that she’s aware. Right now, that’s all we’re hoping.
“Okay,” Akara says with a strong nod.
“Sounds good to me,” I chime in.
Sulli holds out her two fists for us to bump, a sad smile on her face. Like she thinks we’re gonna reject her.
No way in hell.
I touch knuckle-to-knuckle.
Akara fist-bumps her other hand.
And then Akara and I exchange a look, and we start to smile. In unison, with our arms around Sulli, we pull our girlfriend down to the bed as we go down with her.
She laughs, and the sound floods my body. Christmas at the lake house. It won’t work unless the three of us are a united front. We’re not splintering.
Sorry, Ryke Meadows, you’ll have to wish upon a different fucking star. Mine’s shooting right past you.
44
SULLIVAN MEADOWS
The lake house is a Christmas safe haven. Like we’re somewhere far, far away on the North Pole hanging out near Kris Kringle. Two years ago, I spent December 25th on a tour bus and then last year, I was stuck in Scotland, and this year, I’m finally able to do what I always used to do.
I wake early, early on Christmas morning. Before the sun is able to crest the Smoky Mountains, I’m out of bed.
“It’s my lake house Christmas tradition with Luna,” I whisper to my boyfriends while I jump into pants. They’re very much naked in bed.