“That’s the very last thing I want to do.” I cringe into a pained wince. “I don’t want to erase anything we had from my memory, Sul. I never want to forget you—even if it kills me.”
She threads her hands onto her head, like she’s coming off a marathon.
“I just don’t want anyone to know,” I say strongly. “That’s it. I’m trying to protect you.”
“By hurting yourself,” she snaps back. “By hurting me and Banks.”
“It’s temporary,” I try to convince myself.
“What is?”
“The pain.”
She shakes her head and wipes at her face. “And here I fucking thought maybe you’d changed your mind.”
I haven’t.
I won’t.
She deserves to live her life without being a public spectacle. To wake up and be able to breathe and not be suffocated by the world. I can give her that.
I swallow hard and nod towards the door. “Is he back there?”
She follows my gaze. “No, they took him downstairs to imaging. He’s getting an MRI.”
Without hesitation, I walk forward and take a seat in the waiting room. Right next to the chair she’d been sitting on.
Sulli frowns down at me. “Why are you staying?”
I rub my hands. “He’s one of my men. I need to make sure he’s alright.” Off her snort of disbelief, I try not to smile hearing the sound, and I just add, “It’s a security thing.”
“Sure.” Sulli lowers into her chair. “Whatever you say, Kits.”
Tension piles between us in the unbearable silence. I lean back and glance over at Sulli more than once. Arms crossed over her chest, she glares at the ground.
I’m the one building walls, and shit, everything in me is screaming to tear them down.
“How have you been?” I ask.
Her eyes flit to me, softening instantly. “Miserable. Just like Banks.” She studies my face. “You?”
I think about lying.
I can be cruel. But not that cruel.
Sliding my thumb across my fingers, I say, “I’m having nightmares again.”
She rotates more to me. Our knees knock. “Sorry,” she apologizes.
Neither of us move away. I want to say everything but nothing leaves through my lips. As her eyes well, I’m certain she can see how much pain I’m in.
I choke out, “You don’t have to be sorry.”
“I’m not sorry for falling in love with you, how’s that?” Sulli says with a shaky voice.
That gives me too much hope to come back. I pinch my eyes. We’re quiet for another tensed beat.
“Your nightmares…?”
I drop my hand. “It’s fine.”
“They’ve never been fine.” She tries to place a comforting hand atop my knee, but I pull away.
Sulli careens back, wincing.
“Sorry,” I say fast and hold out my hand. “I don’t want you to think there’s a door open for us.”
Please shut the door.
“It is open,” Sulli refutes. “On my side. On Banks’. It’s been fucking open, and it’ll be wide fucking open—”
“Stop,” I cut her off. Pain starts piercing all over me, and I take off my beanie and crumple it in my hand. “I need you to be angry at me.”
“I can’t.”
My insides are being shredded. “I broke your heart, Sul.”
“You broke your own heart first,” she growls. “You’re trying to protect mine. I know what you’re doing—I fucking get it, even if I don’t like it. You can warn me how you’re the bad boy again, Kits, but you’re not fooling me this time. You’re my hero who’s risking everything to save me, and I’m fucking telling you that I’d rather leave the safety of the castle with you than be locked in there without you.”
I let her words wash over me, but I keep seeing flashes of that night. The mania, the mobs, Sulli being grabbed—stop.
I stare at the carpet, then glance over at the receptionist. Did she hear us?
The desk is empty, so she must’ve retreated to the back.
Sulli hugs her arms around herself. When I look over again, she gives me a sad smile. “Loving you is easier than hating you, Kits. It always has been.”
Raw emotion threatens to pummel me, and I fight everything.
Minutes later, the office door swings open and Banks and the doctor slip out together.
Sulli and I shoot to our feet.
“We’ll be in touch soon,” the neurologist says with a handshake before disappearing through the same doors.
Banks turns and freezes. “I’ll be damned…you came.” Surprise touches his eyes, then confusion when he sees a morose Sulli. “What’d I miss?”
Sulli waves a hand at me. “Akara’s just here for security, apparently.”
Banks frowns, coming closer to us. “Security?”
I stand stiffer. “You’re SFO. I just want to make sure everything is going well with you, health-wise.”
Banks lets out a short laugh that picks up vigor. “Yeah, right. You’re just here to check up on one of your bodyguards.” He threads his arms. “You’re not fooling anyone, Akara.”
“That’s what I told him,” Sulli says too like they see through me. “Maybe he’s fooling himself though.”