Fearless Like Us (Like Us 9)

It feels apropos guarding a future businesswoman.

And I’ll be in college. Sitting in lecture halls that I would’ve taken at eighteen if my dad had lived. Like all things, time circles back around, and I feel like I should be here. Even Sulli agreed I need to maintain course for a little while.

What I want and love, I won’t drop.

Yet, I’m scared.

In the last minute.

In the final act where we’ve finally hung on and begun to breathe.

Could everything just blow up again?

Overcast, the winter sky is gloomy, but our spirits remain high off the wins and our reunion together. The Meadows’ cozy but mammoth treehouse comes into view, nestled among thick branches in nostalgic glory. Windowpanes, wraparound porch, a fake smokestack—this is a clubhouse of a kid’s wildest dreams.

Sulli reaches the ladder at the tree trunk, and Banks and I stop a couple feet away as our girlfriend plucks a berry and floral wreath off the ladder’s rung. Brushing snow off the woven blue flowers and pieces of fern, she comes closer to us.

“My mom made this for me.”

I realize, “It’s a flower crown.”

Banks inspects the berries.

I give him a look. “You know what it’s made out of?” Banks understanding plants is news to me.

“Not a clue. My thumbs are covered in oil, not dirt.”

Sulli kicks my shin, then his shin in soft Sullivan affection. We’re hooked on her as she says, “These are winterberries, Forget-Me-Nots, and ferns.” She studies the crown with a faraway look. “Banks asked me where my head is at in terms of the public, and I want to be utterly fucking honest with both of you.” Sulli lifts her green eyes with tenacity and resolve. Gold-medal confidence that I’ve seen propel her through finish lines and onto podiums. “I wasn’t ready for the mayhem at New Year’s Eve. I might never be ready for that kind of attention and aggression every single day of my life, but I can’t spend another month, another year—fucking eternity—fearing another leak.”

I shift my weight. Seeing where she’s going. “We can be careful, Sul.”

“Can we, Kits?” She shrugs. “We never have been.”

“We can try.”

“I don’t want to be scared to kiss you. I don’t want to feel guilty for kissing Banks. Our love shouldn’t be weaponized against us, and it could be at any fucking point in time.”

Banks is quiet because he’s ready to roll with Sulli into pandemonium.

Deep down, I want to be there, too. “I can’t get over your threat level, Sul. It’s astronomical if we confirm our triad, and that’s not even considering you might be pregnant.”

She shifts a hand in her jacket and reveals the Plan B box. “I’m taking this today—and I know, it’s not totally effective. So if you need to consider the threat level of me being pregnant, do that. If even one of you isn’t okay with this, we don’t have to confirm anything. But I just need you to know what I really want.”

The ball is in my court.

Life at my fingertips.

Not just mine.

Hers and his, and what are even the odds? What’s the best odds of success? Best odds of happiness? Everything is muddled, jumbled, scrambled together with a big fudging question mark. Her safety. Our love. Her happiness. Our happiness. Her danger.

Messy.

So very, very messy.

But the messiest things have been the best roads I’ve ever taken. Trying to keep things neat and preserve my friendship with Sulli—fearing making a move and ruining what we had—would’ve been the biggest mistake of my entire life. I would’ve left these life-changing stones unturned. I would’ve missed out on the three of us. Romance. Love for the ages.

I’ve been trying to preserve Sulli.

Maybe I just need to live with the girl and guy I love.

I push back my black hair, breath easing. With my arm movement, a bracelet glides against my wrist. I tug at my sleeve to see braided red thread and beads that spell out I love Sulli.

My lips almost rise.

Don’t be afraid, Nine. “You really want this, Sul?” I make sure. “Even if the world hurts you and changes you?”

Sulli glances at the crown, then looks from me to Banks, back to me. “I can’t promise either of you that I won’t change. Maybe I’ll get stronger. Maybe I’ll get weaker. Maybe I’ll cry myself to sleep some nights. Maybe I’ll regret it some days. Maybe I’ll be happy most weeks. Maybe, just fucking maybe, you’ll change with me. You’ll stand with me through the sad and happy, the peaceful and the loud, through the whole fucking adventure. Just maybe…you’ll want that too.”

Banks and I exchange a look of certainty.

With a shadow of a smile, he says, “Come what may.”

I smile more. “Feel the moment.”

Sulli eyes me, then him. “That’s a yes?”

“That’s a definite yes,” I nod. “Kneel, Lady Meadows.”

She drops to the snow. Exhilaration and euphoric bliss teeming between us.