‘Okay, then answer this. Now you’ve met him again, what’s changed? Clearly you can’t both stay in and still be together, so are you leaving your career? Or is Kane leaving his?’
‘Are you suggesting I should?’ she snapped. ‘Weren’t you the one person who told me—repeatedly—that I was crazy for getting ready to give up my army career for George. But you think it’s okay to give i
t up for Kane?’
‘No, I didn’t say that.’ He arched his eyebrows at her. ‘I used to think it was crazy to give up something you love for anyone else but yourself.’
‘Used to?’ She frowned and despite all the rowdiness inside her head, she couldn’t help picking up on such an un-Hayden-like comment.
‘Oh, no, this isn’t about me right now.’ He refused to be baited. ‘This is about you. And my point is that you can blame Dad and me as much as you like for not telling you the truth back then, but this is now. You’ve had a chance to put things right if that’s what you really want. But if you’re both choosing your careers then that’s on you two, Mattie. No one else.’
Then, turning around, he picked up her mug of tea and passed it to her. She cupped it in her hands and slid her fingers through the handle.
Mattie still glowered at her unconcerned brother over the rim, changing the subject as though it could somehow resolve the issues tumbling around her head.
‘So, what’s your next task anyway?’
‘I’m supposed to be DS for a training exercise on Salisbury Plain.’
‘Supposed to be?’
Another uncharacteristically Hayden comment but as he answered her, Mattie found herself losing focus, her head was still echoing with his earlier words.
He’d made a good point. She did have a chance to put things right if she really wanted to.
The question was, what was she prepared to do about it?
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
‘MORNING, WILLIAM,’ MATTIE greeted the adjutant, after checking the room to ensure he was alone.
‘Hey, Mattie.’ William stood up from his paperwork to step around his desk and greet her. ‘How are things? Congratulations on your promotion, by the way. I hear it’s going to be officially announced any day now. Especially after Operation Strikethrough was such a success, in no small part down to the work you and WO2 Wheeler put in.’
‘Thanks,’ she croaked out, plastering a bright smile to her lips, and told herself that William couldn’t possibly know that she was about to resign her commission.
In fact, getting the call from William that the colonel wanted to see her couldn’t have come at a more opportune moment.
She had been wrestling with the situation ever since her conversation with her brother. Two weeks of going back and forth, listening to her head and then her heart. It had consumed her every moment. She had barely eaten, barely slept, only work had provided some relief from her buffeting emotions.
When she’d been ready to resign her commission for George it had been because it was what had been expected of her as the new Lady Blakeney, and she’d ignored the niggling doubt that it would breed resentment in her marriage.
So surely it was foolish to be considering giving up her army career for Kane? Only her heart was telling her otherwise. It was reminding her that she would still have a great career as a civilian doctor. And what about when—if—she and Kane had children? She had always imagined herself as a doctor and a mother. But she’d never imagined herself as an army doctor and a mother. Much as she loved her father, she could remember all too clearly how much of her childhood, and Hayden’s, he’d missed when he’d been away on exercise, or training camps, or courses.
It wasn’t something she wanted for herself.
And then there was the fact that Kane had never once asked her to leave. They had never even discussed any real future together because it had seemed like an impossibility. All the same, she’d known her heart had been winning the debate. In fourteen years she hadn’t moved on because of one simple truth: she was in love with Kane and she always had been.
Nothing had ever changed that. So if she didn’t put herself out there and take that bold step, somehow, deep down, she knew she would regret it for the rest of her life. And if he rejected her then at least she would finally have closure.
Surely that was worth something?
‘Mathilda.’ The colonel’s voice broke through the room, cutting William off as he was about to speak again.
‘Colonel.’ She braced slightly but he gestured for her to stop and go through to his office.
‘Schedule’s a bit tight today and the call I received from Major Copperhead of the new infantry force rather caught me off guard.’
Percy Copperhead? Kane’s OC? What could he want?