‘I’m trying to help you,’ he growled.
The worst of it was that a part of her believed him. She barked out a hollow, unpleasant laugh, all the better to drown out the pounding of her blood through her veins.
‘By dictating to me? My, how lucky am I?’
‘You’re twisting what’s happening here.’ Sol reached out as though he was going to take hold of her shoulders again, then thought better of it and rammed his hands in his pockets.
Half of her gave herself a satisfied air-punch whilst the other half lamented the loss. She felt twisted inside out, as if she didn’t know who or where she was. Everything was wrong. Unsettled.
‘And here, of all places?’
‘It’s neutral territory. You’re a skilled doctor. This is where you feel safe and confident. It will translate into the conversation.’
‘No, it won’t,’ she gritted out. ‘Because there isn’t going to be a conversation.’
‘Anouk, don’t be scared...’
‘I’m not scared,’ she cried, the lie mocking her even as it hung in the air. ‘I’m an idiot but I’m not scared.’
‘You are and you’re lashing out. And that’s fine. But you don’t need to be frightened. I’m here to support you.’
‘Support me? You?’ She laughed, a brittle, harsh sound. ‘You can’t support me, or anyone. I was wrong when I said that you knew how to care for someone, how to love them. You don’t have it in you to think of anyone but yourself. Deciding you know what’s best for me without thinking to discuss it with me for one single second. My God, you even said the words to me. But you don’t know what they mean. You don’t know what it is to love someone. You’re every bit as selfish and arrogant as you said you were.’
And before she could fall apart completely in front of him, Anouk whirled herself around and ran—as fast as she possibly could.
* * *
Sol watched her go, her words stinging him as if every one had been a knife going into his heart.
He’d hoped that bringing her here would resolve the impasse between them. He’d hoped it would show her that he was sincere. That he wanted to be worthy of her.
He loved her.
It had been almost a week since he’d told her. Since he’d heard himself say the words out loud. And oddly, it was getting easier and easier to accept, with each passing day. He’d always thought love was something to fear but Anouk made it seem like something special. Something new. Something to aspire to, rather than dread.
Unlike any other woman he had dated, he knew, he just knew, that Anouk understood why he had to be a part of centres like Care to Play. She would never pout, or complain, or moan that the kids got more of his time than she did. Or that she would rather be going to a fancy, high-society gala than another football-and-barbecue-in-the-park event. In fact, Anouk would most likely be right there beside him. Organising every single event.
She made everything shift and change when she was around. People, places, situations. They all sparkled that little brighter under her touch. And Sol wanted, more desperately than he could remember wanting anything for such a long time, to be a part of her life.
It made no sense, yet here he was fighting every instinct to go after her and make her listen to him.
He had to let her go—for now. The best thing he could do would be to take a leaf out of the book of the woman sitting in that cafeteria back there. The woman who was so utterly desperate to meet her granddaughter for the first time, and who had longed for this moment for over three decades yet still had the patience to wait that little bit longer.
Turning around, Sol strode back down the corridor. For one thing, he owed the older woman an apology and, for a second, she was the closest thing to a source he had on Anouk.
He could give Anouk her space, but still, the more he understood this complex and enigmatic woman who had somehow crept inside the heart he’d thought locked down for good, the better.
At least he knew one thing. Tracking down Anouk’s grandmother had been the right thing to do. Whether Anouk wanted to accept the truth or not, it was clear that she needed to meet her other grandmother and learn what had really happened between her father and her mother.
Until Anouk had closure, for better or for worse, she was never going to be able to move past it and into a relationship with anyone.
With him.
* * *
Anouk had no idea how long she stood at the bright green front door, her eyes locked balefully onto the Christmas wreath and her hand poised to knock but her heart clattering much too wildly against her ribs to let her. So when the door opened, almost cautiously, she almost stumbled back down the steps.
‘Hello, Anouk.’