And the worst of it was that she had realised she was so in love with him that a part of her had actually considered taking her name off the list that night. Even if she’d only entertained the notion for a moment.
But, then, that wasn’t love at all, was it?
It couldn’t be. Which was why she had to leave.
All she needed now was for Mandy to get the final paperwork signed off for her to take with her on the flight, and in a few hours she’d be over one hundred miles away in another village, another camp, where she wouldn’t run into Hayden Brigham.
It might not be a decision that her heart liked, but it was a logical decision. Her best choice, given the circumstances. She could complete the remaining months of her programme without her heart being constantly in her mouth in case she walked out of the clinic and turned the corner, only to walk into him.
How impossible would it be to keep focused on her job as she should—as she had always been able to do in the past—when a hopeless part of her was anticipating the next time they would be alone.
When her traitorous body kept reminding her what it felt like to be with him—the only man who had ever truly known her. And how it would feel again?
She stood up rapidly, pacing the bare room as if that could somehow dislodge the image of him that had pinned itself to her brain. That thatch of dirty blond hair. His dimpled chin. The chiselled body.
She picked up the pace abruptly, and she told herself that was relief she could feel spiralling through her. Not something that felt dangerously like something else entirely.
It had been a mistake to let herself get too close to him. Hayden had warned her from the start, but she hadn’t listened to him. She’d been too caught up in the...the feelings sloshing around inside her. Her inexperience, she supposed, in mistaking sex for emotions. Believing that their nights together—even their conversations—had meant more to him than they had.
That she had meant more to him than she had.
But there was no escaping the truth of it. The sexual chemistry between them—so powerful that it was almost self-destructive—was just that. Sexual chemistry. Not a connection, or bonding, and certainly not love. Which was why she couldn’t go back to Jukrem.
Bridget held her hand to her chest as if the action could still the fluttering in her chest. Jukrem meant Hayden. And her weakness. They were bound to end up back in bed together, probably more than once, if she returned. The offer to take up a role at another camp couldn’t have come at a better time, she reminded herself for the tenth time in the past hour.
She heard Mandy’s footsteps in the dirt long before the project coordinator rounded the corner. Making herself stop pacing, Bridget adopted what she hoped was a wide, bright smile.
‘Everything ready?’
‘Not exactly.’
There was no way to stop her stomach from rolling and soaring, try as she did to rein it in.
‘Hayd.’ Her voice didn’t sound remotely even. ‘I was expecting Mandy. When did you get here?’
‘About five minutes ago,’ he growled.
‘And the rebels?’
She wasn’t quite sure how she even remembered them, her head felt so thick and muggy.
‘Caught. Local enforcement arrived last night.’ He waved his hand irrita
bly. ‘I didn’t come here to talk to you about some low-level criminals.’
‘Well, it’s what I want to talk about.’ Not true in its strictest sense. But it was certainly the only thing she was prepared to talk about. ‘There are so many patients still to treat in Jukrem, it’s good to know the rest of the volunteers can return.’
‘You can all return.’
‘I won’t be going.’
He cast her an exasperated look. And...something more. Something she didn’t care to examine too closely, lest it sway her from her goal of leaving.
‘You can’t be serious about taking up a position at another camp?’
‘Why not?’ Smoothing her hands over her dusty combat trousers, Bridget tried to remind herself of everything she’d been saying earlier. Only it was rapidly sliding from her head. ‘I’ve been offered the position of selecting and training a healthcare team of locals. It’s a promotion.’
‘You’re one of the medical staff. Not admin.’