‘Not really,’ Mal dismissed casually. Arguably a little too casually. ‘No more so than you, anyway.’
‘You’re kidding, right?’ Sol shook his head in disbelief.
‘Not particularly.’
‘Fine.’ Leaning back on the sideboard, Sol eyed his brother. ‘Time to tell me something I don’t know, Mal. If you’ve got the balls for it.’
And just like that they were two kids again, and Sol was pressing him about where he’d been that first time he’d done a job for the Mullen brothers.
It was so random, and yet it felt so appropriate. And before he knew it Mal heard himself reply.
‘I always thought a wife, a family, wasn’t for us. Not after everything with her.’
Sol didn’t answer, but Mal knew they both understood he was talking about their mother.
‘I always thought I’d done that bit. I’d endured that responsibility. I never wanted to do it again.’
‘But now...?’ Sol prompted.
‘Lately... I don’t know.’ Malachi swung around from the window almost angrily. ‘Forget it. I’m just... Forget I said anything.’
In over two decades they hadn’t talked about any of this. About feelings. The Gunn brothers had never bought into the caring/sharing thing. Now Malachi wondered if they’d been wrong to bottle things up.
‘Are we capable of it, do you think, Mal?’ asked Sol.
He frowned. ‘Of what?’
‘Of...love.’
It was so out of the blue that Mal couldn’t even begin to order his thoughts.
‘You love Anouk?’
Sol scoffed, but there was an expression in his eyes that had him convinced his brother wasn’t just kidding around.
‘Don’t be stupid,’ Sol said. ‘I’m not saying that. It’s just hypothetical.’
He didn’t believe his brother—but that wasn’t his main issue.
‘Hypothetically, I don’t even know if we have that capacity,’ Malachi gritted out unexpectedly. ‘But maybe the question should be, do we deserve it? More pertinently, does any woman deserve to be subjected to our love, bratik? Whatever that is.’
Sol stared at him blankly for an age.
‘So...you and Saskia?’
‘I don’t wish to discuss it.’ Malachi cut him off harshly.
And then Sol shocked him by placing his hands on Malachi’s desk and addressing him urgently.
‘But you need to. Right here, right now. Our mother ruined our childhood. It’s time we both decided whether we’re going to let her ruin our futures, too.’
* * *
Saskia knew he was back in Italy the moment she walked through the gym door the next morning. It was something in the air. The way the hairs on her arms lifted as if in anticipation.
She wondered when he’d returned from the UK. And why. The last few nights had been horrendous, tossing and turning and wondering if Malachi was even going to bother coming back.
Her stomach still churned with the idea that he might not. She’d have been trapped with no way out.