Silence reigned for a moment.
‘It’s typical Zeke, though, ain’t it?’
‘Well, if anyone can do it, he can.’
> ‘Yeah. If you want someone coming in for you, it’d be him. And his crew.’
She wanted to scream, and shout, and tell them what did that matter if he got himself killed in the process? How did she tell her son? How did she even begin to get him to understand? Especially when she barely understood it herself.
But she didn’t say a word. She couldn’t. And still, the fears encircled her.
It was pitch black out there; even with the lifeboat’s searchlights the lads wouldn’t be able to see when the waves were coming at them. Ready to hit them. She could only imagine them holding on tightly as they felt their Atlantic class boat climbing each swell, bracing for the moment they plummeted down the other side, smashing back into the unforgiving sea.
That was if they weren’t tossed right out of the water altogether. Spun over. Capsized.
A wave of nausea built inside her.
Most of her knew that he would never risk the lives of his crew members. Never. But there was that tiny, fearful part of her that knew that the night of his accident had changed him fundamentally. He’d lived but two of his buddies had died.
Tia swallowed hard. Zeke would trade his life for either of theirs in an instant because he didn’t value his life enough. His monster of a father had made sure that Zeke had never really known how to value himself at all.
And that was the knowledge that scared her most.
The wait for more news seemed interminable. And then it came through, and Tia almost wished it hadn’t.
Zeke and his crew had arrived as the rescue helicopter was trying to get into position to winch up the men from the cargo vessel, one by one. But the wind had been relentless, buffeting the helicopter time and again, and the sea rolling with such power that it had almost smashed the container ship into the helicopter several times. There was no way this wasn’t going to end in tragedy.
And so the terrible decision had been made to pull the helicopter back, leaving the crew on board, preparing to abandon ship. Their only choice to leap into the raging waters and pray that the lifeboats would be able to pull them out before they drowned or were slammed into their own ship.
The chances of recovering all of them, or even most, were slim, at best.
It shouldn’t have come as a shock to Tia, or any of them sitting there in that station, that Zeke had come up with a different plan. A mad, dangerous plan. But a plan that only a coxswain of Zeke’s skill could even hope to pull off.
And exactly the kind of stunt she’d been talking about back at his house, when she’d said he defined himself by how much he was risking of himself, in order to save another life.
He was going to manoeuvre his lifeboat into such a position that he could take a run up to the stricken ship—a vessel thousands of tonnes heavier than Zeke’s own, and which could easily be lifted by the seas only to smash down on top of the smaller lifeboat—and get close enough for the terrified crew to leap from their deck onto his.
The nausea rushed Tia all over again.
It was sheer insanity.
But it was the other crew’s only chance of surviving. No wonder Zeke was determined to try. Always the hero. But never to himself.
Cramps sliced through Tia’s hands as she realised they were locked onto the countertop, clinging on as though it was the only thing keeping her upright at this moment.
It probably was.
When she’d told Zeke earlier of how terrified she’d been that each time he’d walked out of the door of their home, it might be the last time she ever saw him—she’d failed to convey exactly how paralysing that fear had been.
How each day, each night, when people knocked on the door or called her, she would momentarily freeze, a part of her wanting to run away just in case they were bearing news she wouldn’t want to hear.
Being on tours of duty of her own had almost been a relief. They had been challenging and exhausting, occupying her mind and giving her something else to focus on. Something to stop her from worrying about her husband.
In fact, she hadn’t had to worry about Zeke’s well-being for five years—although a part of her couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t thought about him every single day. Every time she’d looked at Seth and seen her son’s father.
Now here she was, practically hurtling back in time. Only this was worse, far worse, because now she knew what it felt like to lose him. And however much she told herself she didn’t have him to lose any more, the idea of breaking this fragile reconnection they’d just made was almost unpalatable.
Which only confirmed one thing. As soon as Zeke got back safely tonight—and he had to, she couldn’t accept any other option—she was going to have to find the courage to answer his questions. To try to explain about Seth.