This was it. This was their chance. Zeke was talking to her; she couldn’t blow it. And with Zeke, directness was going to be key.
‘You know that’s the goal, don’t you? That’s why they make those IEDs exactly the size they do.’
‘Of course I know that, Tia.’ He exhaled, but this time there was no rancour in his tone.
If anything, she might have even thought there might be a touch of relief in it. But that didn’t make sense; he had army buddies—both fellow amputees and not—to talk to.
Could it really be relief at finally being able to talk to her?
‘I run a company that sends men out there in a private role every day. It’s my job to know that. Those IEDs are designed to maim, not kill. If you have someone with their feet or legs blown off, screaming their heads off in pain, it not only ties the men up, but it demoralises too.’
‘Is that what the nightmare is?’ she asked quietly. ‘Hearing the screaming?’
His jaw was locked so tightly she couldn’t stop herself from reaching out and cupping her palm against it.
She wasn’t prepared when he suddenly lifted his arm and covered her hand with his own.
‘Sometimes,’ he told her, his voice thick with emotion. ‘Sometimes it’s the silence. And that can be worse.’
Tia couldn’t speak.
‘Sometimes it’s me being blown up. Sometimes I dream that I’m fine, that I was never blown up, but that I’m standing over someone knowing they’re dead. Sometimes it’s Duckie, sometimes it’s Noel...’ He hesitated, but made himself push on. ‘Or, when things get really rough, the nightmare is that it’s you.’
‘Me? I wasn’t even there.’
‘But I lost you all the same.’
‘I’m sorry,’ she whispered eventually. ‘I should have realised. I should have...stayed away.’
His hand, still pressed to hers, held her all the tighter.
‘The nightmares aren’t worse since you reappeared, Tia,’ he choked out. ‘I hadn’t really considered until now, but they’ve been getting easier over this past month. That one tonight is the first one I’ve had since you’ve been back in my life.’
She tried to contain the joy that leapt to life in her soul. But it was impossible.
‘Surely that’s good?’
‘I usually have at least one bad dream every ten days or so.’
So his nightmares were less since she’d come back into his life.
Tia found that she couldn’t focus her mind. Her mind might as well have been stuck inside a hurricane and altogether too many questions were screaming around in there.
The world was shifting around her, shimmering faintly, as though it might be full of possibilities after all. The grip on her hand now tightened, almost painfully. Or perhaps that was the grip on her heart.
It was time to move them forwards. As a couple.
Sliding her hand out from between his palm and her jaw, she led him to the small settee in the room and forced herself to smile.
‘Show me,’ she murmured, letting her hand sweep over his limb. ‘Teach me how it works.’
‘Tia,’ he berated. ‘You know how these things work.’
‘Not really.’ She shrugged. ‘I worked at the other end of this process.’
‘The cutting end?’ He grinned wryly.
She pulled a rueful expression.