Christmas with Her Bodyguard

She flashed her brightest smile.

The one that she had long ago learned best concealed all the hurt inside her.

She knew exactly what the press said about her, every line, every lie. Which made it a hard reputation to shake. Although, by God, she’d tried.

But whilst Rafe might appreciate how she’d struggled to distance herself from her mother and sisters all this time, the press weren’t always as understanding; the public not completely forgiving.

Neither was Myles, standing there, judging her as he was. She felt weighed and she felt measured, but what bothered her more was the shame flooding through her body at the realisation that this man...this man...found her deplorably wanting.

How was it that his opinion of her mattered so much more than that of hundreds, even thousands, of other people? The way he’d got under her skin with barely a word was shocking. Frightening. Not least because of last time. What was the matter with her? She wrinkled her nose in self-castigation, blurting words out before her brain had the chance to engage.

‘Why are you doing this, Myles? Just so you can taunt me?’ Her pitch was rising but she couldn’t seem to control it. ‘Just so you can remind me of the fool I made of myself when I crept into your room practically naked, stupidly—so stupidly—imagining that the kiss we’d shared earlier that evening meant you wanted me?’

‘This isn’t about that night,’ he rasped, his voice so unrecognisable that it took a moment for her to realise it really was him.

‘It isn’t?’ she whispered.

‘No, Raevenne, it’s definitely not about that night.’ There was no mistaking the look of utter disgust that contorted his features now.

She tried to rearm herself but it was too late, and his loathing smashed over her with deadly force.

‘I try not to remember that night. It isn’t difficult. It isn’t something I ever care to think about. I thought you were different, Rae, I thought you were someone else, someone worth being honourable for.’

‘Yeah, well, having a door slammed in my face certainly didn’t feel honourable.’

She didn’t know why she was fighting back. What she was hoping to achieve.

‘You offered me your virginity.’

‘I know what I did.’ Her whole body felt as though it were on fire. ‘And I know you practically laughed me out your room.’

‘I believed I was doing the right thing. I thought...’ He paused as if having to catch himself. ‘I thought your innocence meant more to you than it obviously did. I was leaving, as soon as that Christmas break was up and Rafe felt as though he’d done his duty. I felt you deserved more than someone who slept with you once or twice and then cut out, never to be seen again.’

‘It did mean something to me—’ she began.

A brash, humourless laugh, which she barely even recognised, cut her off.

‘Of course it did. So much so, in fact, that you not only slept with the next guy you dated-and I use that term very loosely-but you filmed the whole thing and leaked it on the Internet all in the name of fame.’

Nausea crashed over her and it was all she could do to fight it back. Still, she couldn’t stop herself from crying out.

‘I didn’t know anything about it. I didn’t know he was filming me. I certainly didn’t leak it. My God, is that really how little you think of me?’

‘That’s bull,’ Myles growled, ignoring her question. ‘If you hadn’t known anything about it then he would have been filming a sex act without consent. That’s a criminal offence. You would have said something. He would have been convicted. He should have been convicted. But instead you stayed quiet. You protected him. Why do that unless you were in on it, too?’

She wanted to tell him. She’d imagined this moment so very many times over the years. But the words wouldn’t come. Something seemed to be stopping her.

‘I was pathetic, naïve, desperate and I didn’t want to look any more of an idiot than I already did.’ The words tumbled out inelegantly.

The harsh bark was about as far from a laugh as it was possible to get.

‘Oh, come on, Rae. You can’t seriously expect anyone to believe that. You weren’t protecting yourself, you were protecting him.’

She shook her head, hating the very idea of that.

‘I wasn’t. I never protected him. I hate him. I...’ She bit her lip and then decided she had nothing left to lose. ‘I was protecting you.’

The silence that descended on them was so instant, so heavy, that for a moment she thought her eardrums had burst and all she could sense was a ringing in her head. For long, long moments they stood, eyes locked, perfectly still, and then Myles spoke.