He pulled her in even tighter for a moment, breathing in the crisp, clean scent of her shampoo which he recognised so well from the shower room. Everything about Thea was like a breath of fresh air. And now she was opening up more to him, just because he had been honest with her. At least partly. He wasn’t sure how to be completely honest without letting her down, but for the first time in five years he wanted to change, to find a way to be in her life.
Ben frowned as darker thoughts crept into his head. His memories of that IED hadn’t been as controlled as he’d led Thea to believe. The motorway crash site had triggered other memories of his accident. Memories which had crowded his brain, gripped his chest, almost making him incapable of breathing. Even now the images were sneaking back in. He wasn’t ready to face them yet, and before they could take root he hastily shut them down.
But he couldn’t afford to do that because that meant shutting Thea out too, and hadn’t he just decided he wanted to change—for her? Which meant he needed to talk to her, to tell her. Yet he didn’t know how. He only knew he’d felt utter fear and panic when Thea had been standing so close to that car when it exploded.
‘I couldn’t cope with anything ever happening to you.’
It wasn’t until he caught sight of her face, flushed with pleasure as she stared up at him, that he realised he had uttered the thought aloud.
‘Really?’
It made him feel good that his words affected her so positively.
‘Not like you to be lost for words,’ he teased, raising his hand to push a few stray tendrils of hair from her face. ‘Anything else you want to know?’
She shook her head.
‘Anything you want to tell me, then?’
She shook her head again, her eyes flickering to his mouth and back up to his eyes. As if she was waiting for him to kiss her. As if she wanted him to kiss her.
His gut kicked harder than a fifty-calibre machine gun recoil. Only it felt much more pleasant.
‘Nothing at all?’ He tried to tease her as he fought to slow his accelerating pulse.
‘Okay...well, for the record, you cook really, really well.’ She laughed softly. ‘I never knew that before.’
‘There’s a lot we don’t know about each other,’ he reminded her gently. ‘But I’d like to change that.’
Her eyes widened for a moment. ‘I’d like that too.’
‘Good.’
Before she could say anything else he cupped her cheek, dipping his head down and brushing her lips gently with his.
Her response was tentative, and then she was sliding her hands around his back, but not holding too tight.
He cautioned himself about pushing her too fast. He took his time pulling her closer to him, all the while exploring her mouth delicately. Afraid of startling her.
But a few moments later Thea seemed to have her own ideas. Her hands were sliding up his spine with confidence, holding tighter as she pulled herself in closer and pushed her body up against his.
He deepened the kiss, feeling lust jolt through him as she met his tongue boldly with hers. The kiss became unhurried, and boundless, and sensual. It reached deep inside him, making him for one long moment forget everything else. Around them, all the bustle and revelry faded away.
It was several long moments before they surfaced, but he couldn’t drag his eyes from her face.
‘So, where do we go from here?’
‘How about straight home?’ she couldn’t help suggesting, her cheeks flushing slightly at her own audaciousness.
* * *
The whole way home Thea could barely believe her boldness. But it had been as though Ben was deliberately holding himself back, trying to be gentle with her, and she didn’t want that at all.
She’d only slept with three other men besides Ben. One before him, which had been her fumbling, cringeworthy first time—and second time. Then two after Ben. But whether it had been because of Ben, or the miscarriage, those relationships hadn’t stood a chance, and although the sex had been fine it hadn’t been all fireworks and crashing waves.
She’d been beginning to wonder if there was something wrong with her. But just that kiss with Ben had set her body on fire, from her toes up, and now she felt more daring than she’d ever wanted to be before.
The taxi ride was like a lesson in pure torment, as Ben drew lazy circles on her arm and her back, occasionally dropping gentle kisses on her lips, but not letting them get too close for fear of losing control and giving the driver an X-rated show.