‘I thought we might eat out tonight,’ he suggested casually as Thea flicked her boots out of their ski-clips.
Her wary look cranked up a notch and she narrowed her eyes suspiciously. The casual approach clearly wasn’t working.
‘I promised you honesty. I think it’s time we talked.’
He seemed to be saying that a lot lately. But after decades of stuffing down his emotions perhaps it was only right that he should start to be honest now—with Thea, the person his actions had hurt the most.
She blinked slowly at him, as though she was trying to work out the depth of his sincerity. Then she inclined her head. ‘I think you’re right.’
The resort staff had been into their cabin and a fresh basket of fruit sat on the table, a fire roared in the hearth. Thea made her way straight to it, warming her hands and avoiding his gaze.
‘Shall we say half an hour?’ he suggested.
‘No problem.’ Her voice was clipped, taut, as she ducked her head and made for her suite on the opposite side of the log cabin to his. Briefly he wondered if she, like him, was fighting to still the questions which swirled around his head.
Now he had finally forced himself to own up to his motivations Ben knew he was never going to be free of his ghosts until he told Thea what had really happened with her brother the day he’d died. She needed to know the truth but he’d never given her that luxury—it had been too hard for him to talk about. But every time he looked at Thea he remembered, and it was this inability to open up—to anyone—which had stopped him from being with Thea.
If he could talk to her about Dan’s death he knew he could talk to her about all the ghosts of his past. And that meant he would no longer be emotionally closed off from her. He could be the man she needed him to be. And she could finally, truly, be his.
Standing under the jets in the shower in his own suite, Ben tried not to think about Thea in her shower, less than fifteen metres away. Knowing he had acted out of lust, without thinking through any consequences, hadn’t stopped him wanting Thea. He could still recall her touch, her taste, her smell, and he felt an aching need for her in the pit of his stomach.
It had taken every ounce of his determination to convince Thea to give him one more chance, to persuade her not to let his moment of uncertainty lead them to discard all the progress they had made in their relationship until that moment. It had come at a cost—he’d finally had to admit to her that there were things he hadn’t yet told her—and he’d asked for just a little more time to get his head straight.
Choosing a ski-break—the honeymoon they’d never had—had been his way of proving to her that he really was trying to change. As well as a way of giving them something to talk about and lessening the tension of being around each other—especially when it was just the two of them in their private log cabin, tiptoeing around each other as they had done in the early days at the cottage.
Ben suppressed his frustration. For every two steps forward they seemed to take together it seemed that there was always something to send them a step backwards. But, he rationalised, at least it was some kind of progress. However, whilst the choice of location had provided a much needed buffer for the last few days, it had perhaps made it too easy for them to avoid the real issue, and Ben was determined that tonight they would talk.
By the time she walked back into the living room he was already in the kitchen, downing a pint of water in the hope that it would ease his cracking voice. He turned to face her and instantly his mouth went dry again.
She had left her hair to dry naturally into the loose natural curls he loved. They tumbled around her face and past her shoulders, and even now his fingers itched to slide into their silky depths and pull her lips to his.
A soft, body-hugging lilac cashmere jumper showcased her breasts and slim waist, and tight black jeans curved lovingly over a pert backside which had his body responding like a teenager. The knee-high boots only heightened his reaction—even if they were flat, so that she wouldn’t slip in the snow.
What the hell is wrong with you? he berated himself silently. This evening was all about finally telling her what he should have confessed five years ago. Using sex to create an artificial sense of intimacy between them might make him feel better in the short term, but until he could move past that and really open up to her they were never going to have a long-term future.
If they could ever have a long-term relationship.
Wresting himself from the moment, he strode across the room, snatched up their parkas and, gently throwing hers over her shoulders, opened the door. He ushered her outside to where a horse-drawn sleigh waited patiently outside the cabin. Two inky black horses stood quietly, their breath forming little clouds in the cold air, and Ben heard Thea’s nervous intake of breath.
‘It’s not a big romantic gesture,’ he hastily reassured her. ‘The restaurant is a couple of valleys over, and this is the best option as it can go cross-country.’
Not entirely a lie. The horse-driven sleigh was the most practical way to get to the restaurant. Its long, wide sleigh-skis allowed it to travel easily over the snow-covered countryside, and they could be raised up to allow thick snow-wheels to carry the carriage easily over roads and paths, too. But Ben hadn’t been entirely unaware of the romantic connotations and had deliberately chosen it with Thea in mind.
The yellow sleigh was decorated with flowers picked out by gold braiding. Ornate bridles peeked from beneath the blankets which had been temporarily slung over the horses’ backs. The lanterns, which adorned the carriage would be lit once night fell.
‘Oh.’
Was that good or bad? Ben wondered.
The driver offered them a friendly smile as he jumped down, opening the half-door to the open-topped sleigh and patting the warm rugs which were folded neatly on the seat. Then, moving away, he busied himself with removing the horses’ blankets whilst Ben made his way over, offering his hand to Thea as she approached.
He helped her in and swung up afterwards, deliberately sitting on the same side as her, but not too close so as to crowd her. He took the blankets the driver had indicted and opened them up, resisting the urge to brush across Thea and tuck them in. Another delaying tactic, he reminded himself, and he wasn’t going to create another excuse to put off his confession to another day.
At the driver returned to his seat at the front, and signalled the horses to move off, Ben caught the tilt of Thea’s lips. Despite herself, she couldn’t help but enjoy the gentle lurching movement and the sound of crunching snow under the horses’ hooves and the sleigh’s snow-wheels.
This first part of their trip took them around the old town while the driver gave them something of a historical tour of the place. Ben felt Thea relaxing more and more as she engaged with the driver, learning about the area and asking questions. It was so typically Thea, Ben was beginning to realise. Although it ruffled him that Thea could be more at ease with a stranger than she was with him right now.
Their tour of the town over, the sleigh made its way out of the central area and towards the lower slopes. The slow, mechanical ratcheting noise of the sleigh-skis coming down was the only sound to punctuate the stillness. The next part of their journey, heading over to a neighbouring town, was about to begin, and as the buildings fell away behind them Ben felt Thea edge forward to talk to the driver about the region itself. Anything to avoid feeling as if she was alone with him, it seemed.