Faith.
As though it didn’t lacerate her from the inside out just thinking her unborn daughter’s name.
She swayed dangerously.
Had it not been for the silent, supportive hand at her elbow, Archie was afraid she was about to tumble to the floor. She blinked at Katie gratefully. Unspoken, unequivocal support shone back at Archie. Bolstering her. Making her want to forget the fact that, barely a year after she’d lost her unborn daughter, Joe was expecting a baby with his new wife.
It hurt.
Though not, perhaps, in precisely the way Archie might have thought it would. She couldn’t pinpoint it, but neither could she help suspecting that it had less to do with Joe than it ought to, and more to do with the simple pain that another woman seemed to find it so easy to have a baby while her own traitorous body hadn’t been able to do the one thing she felt it had surely been designed to do.
‘Fine, let’s say it was mutually beneficial...’ Katie conceded at length, though Archie could hear by her friend’s tone that she didn’t remotely believe that.
‘You look like you’ve swallowed a bee.’
She couldn’t help a chuckle, even it did sound half laugh, half choked-back sob. Katie valiantly attempted to ignore her.
‘Mutually beneficial,’ she repeated firmly. ‘And you’re right. Now is your time to get back the Archie I used to know. The one I admired so much that I used to wish I was more like you. The Archie who threw herself out of a plane today, for her father, for Faith, for a new start.’
‘You make it sound so easy.’ Archie smiled softly, the sadness she tried so hard to shake but couldn’t still tiptoeing around inside her.
But she wanted to. And the jump today was the first time she’d felt she might actually be ready to do so.
Because of the jump? Or because of Kaspar?
Archie slammed away the unbidden thought in an instant but it was too late. It couldn’t be un-thought. Instinctively, her eyes were drawn back to where Kaspar had been standing, staring at the pillar as though they could bore a path straight through it to see him.
It was pathetic.
But it was also the biggest vaguely positive reaction she’d had to anything or anyone in a very long time. And that felt strangely compelling.
Kaspar Athari, back in her life after all these years. He’d been her first, only crush. Except back then he hadn’t even noticed her and so she hadn’t had the guts to do anything about it. Suddenly, here he was again and this time he had certainly noticed her. It was as though she was being offered a second chance. It couldn’t be just a coincidence, surely? It had to be fate. Either way, it was making her want to...do something. Anything.
She turned to Katie with as firm a nod as she could manage.
‘Fake it till you make it, right?’
‘Absolutely.’
It was easier said than done, but what the heck.
‘Fine.’ Archie sucked in a deep, steadying breath. ‘Then if I’m going to...what did you say earlier this evening? Get back on the horse? Then why not go all out with the infamous “Surgeon Prince of Persia”?’
Why did it feel easier to call him by his ridiculous nickname? Was it because it felt too close to home to call him Kaspar?
‘Yes.’ Katie didn’t look remotely abashed. ‘I did say that. But not with him. He’d gobble you up and spit you out. The man is pure danger.’
Seriously, how difficult could it be to dredge up a casual grin while simultaneously trying to stop her stomach from executing a perfect nose-dive?
‘Maybe that’s what I need?’ she tried hopefully. ‘A bit of danger.’
‘Absolutely not.’ Katie shook her head so vigorously her shiny halo of curls bobbed perfectly around her pretty face. ‘No chance. There’s absolutely no way I’m letting a guy like that get anywhere near you. Over my dead body. You can count on me for that.’
Archie frowned, confused.
‘I’ve heard you drool over the Surgeon Prince a hundred times. Are you really saying you wouldn’t go there after all?’
‘Of course I would,’ Katie scoffed loudly. ‘Trust me, I’d be in there like a shot if the guy so much as squinted in my direction.’