Tempted by Dr. Off-Limits

‘Can you sit on the bed, please, Major Billings?’

‘Janine,’ the woman introduced herself immediately.

Janine.

It hit Elle like a blast wave. Suddenly it all made sense.

Janine.

Fitz was still in love with her.

He’d chosen her over Elle’s own medical advice. And, Elle couldn’t help feeling, he’d chosen Janine over her personally. She was second again. Dispensable. Just like she’d been to Stevie. Only the difference here was that Fitz had never broken any commitment to her because he’d never offered her any promises. From the outset he’d told her that they didn’t have a future, that he didn’t do relationships.

The error had been on her part in allowing herself to believe that he didn’t do relationships because he hadn’t yet met the right person, the woman who could help him to get past the trauma and guilt of his past. And the error had been in thinking that she could be that woman and ignoring what had been right under her nose. That Janine had always been in the forefront of Fitz’s head.

Don’t wait for me.

As painful and unbearable as it might be, she had to listen to him. Fitz didn’t want her. He’d made that clear again and again, she’d just chosen to read something more into it. She’d chosen to believe it was because he couldn’t find a way to open up to her, and she’d chosen to believe that if she loved him enough she could find a way to help him.

She’d been wrong. She would pack up here and finish up the last few days in Razorwire before returning home. The hospital didn’t need her, the next squadron was out here already and the relief teams had taken over.

She wouldn’t come back as long as Fitz was still out here. She couldn’t bear to work alongside him, loving him but unable to do a thing about it.

‘You know who I am,’ Janine said slowly, her eyes watching Elle intently.

She could play it down the line, strictly professional, of course. But they were both grown women, both majors, both equals.

‘I know a little,’ Elle hedged.

To her surprise, Janine’s shoulders sagged and the woman looked defeated.

‘So he really is in love with you.’

It was more a comment to herself than to Elle, but still Elle couldn’t help snorting with nervous shock.

‘You couldn’t be more wrong.’

Sharp eyes pierced Elle as Janine jerked her head up.

‘You didn’t know?’

Elle focussed on her job, unsure what else to say.

‘I sensed something between you the moment he saw you come in.’ Janine spoke softly, almost wistfully. ‘I would have given anything for him to look at me, just once, the way he looked at you at that moment.’

Elle told herself not to listen, not to believe, not to let that little flicker of hope surge so strongly inside her. She told herself it would only hurt all the more when she had to prove Janine was wrong.

And still the hope grew, leaning towards Janine’s words the way a tree leaned to the sun. Making her admit things she would never have admitted to anyone, least of all Janine.

‘It isn’t love. At least, not on Fitz’s part.’ The words spilled out before she could stop herself.

But instead of Janine using the confession as ammunition, as Elle might have feared, the woman simply offered a sweet, if watery smile.

‘Did he tell you about the baby?’

Elle didn’t know how to answer.

‘He did.’ Janine nodded, as if she’d suspected as much. ‘Then you’re wrong. He loves you very much. I don’t think he’s ever told anyone about me. About us, such as there ever was an us.’