Unrequited Love

“It’s loud,” Ryan sighed.

Together, they listened to the heavy rumbling in the distance.

“It’s coming this way,” Norman added as if Ryan didn’t already know.

Ryan contemplated the brandy in his hands. He studied the fine amber liquid as it swirled around in his goblet.

“You are thinking about her again.” It wasn’t a question.

“It’s a bloody lost cause,” Ryan snorted.

“Nothing is completely lost.”

Ryan threw him an indignant glare. “Don’t you think I have tried to stop thinking about her?”

“I don’t know,” Norman countered. “Have you?”

Ryan glared at his drink again before he downed it and then re-filled the goblet once more.

“Getting drunk isn’t going to resolve anything. In fact, it is going to bring another dream on.” Despite this, Norman stood up and refilled both their goblets.

Ryan’s turned his chair around to stare broodily out of the window. Silently, he and Norman contemplated the sky as it flashed its thunderous warning. Ryan knew the storm looked very much like his emotions right now, rumbling on without end, flashing with streaks of pain and discomfort which he struggled to block out. The more he tried to ignore it, the closer the storm ate away at the night air, thickening it and making it uncomfortable as the heavy clouds slowly crept closer.

“Why don’t you go back to London for a while? You know it always makes you unsettled when you are this close to her. London might help you take your mind off her,” Norman suggested, even though he already knew the answer. Each time he had suggested to Ryan that he might do best to sell the house he called home he had summarily been dismissed. Norman knew what compelled his friend to keep coming back to his family seat, or rather who.

“Was it the same? The dream, I mean?” Norman asked.

Ryan nodded, but the movement of his head was imperceptible in the darkness.

“Yes,” he hissed. “Only this time it was startlingly clear. On previous occasions I have had it, the dream has always been a little hazy around the edges, as though I am seeing it through a foggy window. Tonight’s dream was different. It was so clear that it felt as though I was there. It was damned odd. I just wish I knew what to do to make them stop.”

“Maybe you should go and see her? Have you ever contemplated going over there and asking her to take a walk with you or something? If you do that and she refuses, you know your love is unrequited.”

“Who says this is love?” Ryan demanded briskly. “Nobody said anything about love. How in the Hell can I love the chit? She barely speaks to me and when she does, Sian always leaves not long after. I don’t know if she finds me boring, or just doesn’t like me. It has always been the same. At no point has she ever given me even the slightest hint that she sees me as anything other than the local lord and her father’s business partner.”

Norman sighed. “How long have you known her family now?”

“Since I was fourteen years, three months, and fifteen days old,” Ryan replied without hesitation.

Norman grinned. “Not that you are counting, eh?”

Ryan rolled his eyes. “I can remember the exact moment she walked into the room. It was the first time I accompanied my father to their home because I was always invariably in the school room before that. Visiting her father was the very last place I wanted to be because my time away from the school room was always severely limited. The last thing I wanted to do was spend it visiting or in a meeting. But I sat there, patiently waiting for father to finish his conversation, and then Sian walked in.”

Norman, who had heard this story on many occasions, sipped at his brandy and settled back in his seat.

“You have never been the same since,” he finished for his friend as a gentle reminder that this was not a new story.

Ryan ran a weary hand down his face. He leaned forward, braced his elbows on his knees, and dropped his head.

“I fell in love the second I clapped eyes on her. At the time, I had no idea what it all meant. I have tried to forget her. You know that. I have taken mistresses and bedded more than my fair share of willing and able females, but nothing compares. Sian always niggles away at the back of my mind, waiting to make me feel guilty. Just when I think I have been successful in forgetting her, her father contacts mine, or my father mentions her father, or someone mentions Sian in conversation. Something invariably happens, and it all starts all over again. She seems rooted in the centre of my life and I don’t seem able to uproot her. Now the damned dreams have started I am plagued with the knowledge that I am doomed to spend the rest of my days with this stupidly, foolish, ridiculous unrequited love and there isn’t a damned thing I can do about it.”

“Maybe you should try kissing her,” Norman suggested with a thoughtful frown.

“What, so she can hate me even more?”

“No. You have no idea if she does hate you, Ryan. If Sian doesn’t respond or you don’t feel anything for he

r, it might help you to put an end to whatever you think you feel for her. I mean, how do you know it isn’t some sort of adolescent fancy rather than the kind of love that makes marriages successful? The way you think you feel about her now could be just a remnant of your youthful fantasies that you haven’t been able to get rid of yet because Sian is untouchable. I mean, you have had your share of women.” Norman huffed a laugh. “Getting women to fall at your feet has never been your problem. How do you know that you are attracted to Sian because she is the only one who hasn’t fallen at your feet?”