A Spinster's Awakening (A New Adventure Begins - Star Elite 2)

“Mr Kendrick?” she called as she stepped inside.

“Ah, there you are, Charity, I was just saying to Mrs Kendrick, I hadn’t seen you for a few days,” Mr Kendrick replied with a kindly smile.

“I have been sorting out the church with Mrs Applebottom,” Charity replied.

Deep inside a small voice warned her that she didn’t have to explain herself to the shop-keeper. She was a single, independent woman of albeit somewhat meagre means, but was independent nonetheless. She certainly didn’t need to tell the man why she didn’t come to the shop daily like she used to. Still, there was a hint of accusation in his eye that made her feel guilty for attempting to change her routine to save a few pennies.

It is because you are far too predictable, Charity, my dear, a stern voice taunted her.

She sighed because it was yet another reminder that she had become too dependable. With that dependability came a staid and boring predictability that other people had come to expect more than herself. It was odd, but there it was.

Squaring her shoulders, Charity refused to explain herself again, or apologise for her change of routine, and turned her attention to the goods on offer.

“That is a lot of buns for you, isn’t it?” Mr Kendrick replied as he began to pack her order.

“Not really,” Charity replied. “I can pay if that is what you are intimating?”

Mr Kendrick froze and looked at her. “It wasn’t,” he replied with a heavy frown.

Charity put the appropriate coinage on the counter and waited for Mr Kendrick to hand her the neatly packaged parcel.

“I say, is everything all right?” Mr Kendrick asked warily. It was clear from the concerned frown on his face that he was somewhat wary of her uncharacteristic brashness.

“Yes. Why wouldn’t it be?” Charity replied briskly. She placed her buns into her basket but then hesitated. It seemed rude to just turn around and walk away but the alternative was to stand and converse with the man, which was something she didn’t want to do. Again, a pang of guilt swept through her. It wasn’t Mr Kendrick’s fault she wasn’t content with her life and wanted something – more - and was even bored with herself.

“I am fine, Mr Kendrick, thank you,” she added graciously after a momentary silence.

With that, she forced herself to leave the man standing in confounded silence and hurried out of the shop.

Trying desperately to ignore the sense of solitude that settled over her again as soon as she was outside, Charity ducked her head against the driving rain and resumed her journey home. In doing so, she inadvertently caught sight of her ruined dress. For the first time in a long time, Charity felt like crying. Hot, salty tears stung her eyes such was the depth of her misery. It swiftly became a race to try to reach home before those tell-tale tears began to trickle slowly down her cheeks.

I don’t even know why I am so upset. I have done this so often that there is no reason why going home to a cold and empty house

should make the slightest bit of difference to me, but it does. It truly does, she thought solemnly.

“It isn’t as if I am going to be alone for long. I have just enough time to get home, have some tea and then tidy up before the tapestry group arrive. They will not be going home until late. Then I can go off to bed,” she muttered to herself.

Yes, and then I will have another sleepless night, tossing and turning, trying to ignore the steady ticking of the clock that reminds me of how much of my life is passing. Then I can get up tomorrow and spend another day trying to find enough to do to fill my time.

Quickly, she closed out her melancholy thoughts about the long and empty night and focused on what she was going to do about cheering herself up before her friends arrived. If she was this distracted when they appeared she was going to spend her evening being pummelled with questions, studied, cross examined, and questioned at every quarter and they wouldn’t leave until they knew everything.

“This is personal. I cannot tell them that I want something more from life only I don’t know what,” she whispered.

But I do know what, I just know that I cannot have it, she mused with a heavy sigh when she began to wonder what it would be like to share her house with a loved one again.

Frustration began to trickle through her disquiet, until an acute sense of dissatisfaction brought forth a wave of uncharacteristic temper.

“Why do I feel like something is lacking all of a sudden?” she whispered, her voice rife with impatience. “Why now? I have everything I need. The house is my own, I don’t owe anybody anything, I can feed myself, clothe myself, and have a good circle of friends. What else could I want?”

Her allowance, together with the modest house she owned on the outskirts of the village of St Magdaline, were more than enough to sustain her. Yes, the funds she had available to live off were meagre at best, but she was getting by – just. She could survive so long as she was very careful.

“I am bored,” she realised suddenly. “I am bored of struggling through my life.”

Or was, until she turned into the end of her road and spied a new, unfamiliar carriage parked right outside of her front gate.

It stood, hunch-backed, large and black, like a hungry panther waiting to strike. Charity suspected that if she ventured too close it was going to gobble her up. It was such an unusual sight that she found herself staring at it. Her heart began to pound with nerves, especially when she drew closer to the black beast and was able to study the dark garbed, motionless coachman sitting atop it. He was so incredibly tall she had to tip her head right back to be able to see him.

Suddenly, he turned his head and looked straight at her. She gasped and instinctively stepped back. When their gazes met, he touched the brim of his cap briskly but with no welcoming warmth in his eye. The suddenness of his movement was so unexpected that Charity quickly averted her gaze. It was only then that she realised how rude she had just been. Reluctantly, she met his gaze long enough to nod an equally brisk greeting at him before she turned away.