A Spinster's Awakening (A New Adventure Begins - Star Elite 2)
Page 49
“She has gone out,” Angus snapped.
“Charity is going to see one of the ladies,” Jasper explained reasonably. “At least if she sits with company she is safe. What do you expect a stunning young woman like her to do? Sit at home all day staring into the fire, waiting for death?”
Angus glared at him and sighed. “Are you saying you think it is all right for her to walk down the street where she can get snatched from right under everyone’s noses?”
“No, but we are all here. She cannot move without someone watching her. If you hadn’t left the house, I would have followed her,” Jasper argued. “Or don’t you trust me to do my job?”
“This has nothing to do with you,” Angus bit out.
“I am afraid that it is personal to you, Angus, my boy, and that is dangerous given the work we are here to do. It is never a good thing to mix your private life with your professional one, you know that,” Jasper warned in a voice that was far too quiet.
Angus opened his mouth to protest. “I can get the job done,” he growled.
“Just make sure you keep your mind on the job and not on her. If you truly are smitten with her then do what you need to do. Others have made their professional lives work while they have settled down to matrimonial bliss. There is no reason why you shouldn’t do the same. Just remember that in a village like this you will only be able to do so much before her reputation is ruined. Her friends are providing her with a safety net now, not only for her personal safety but for the preservation of her reputation as well. Don’t forget that. She is also a single young lady in a frightening situation. It is only fair to expect her to seek out the company of her friends, or the reassuring strength of someone like you, don’t you think?”
“Are you saying she only wants me for my protection?” Angus demanded angrily.
“No. It is quite clear that she is smitten with you, the man,” Jasper replied calmly. He was concerned because he had never seen Angus like this and struggled to know what to say to him.
“I just want her to be safe,” Angus whispered.
Together, the men stopped and watched Charity disappear into Augusta Applebottom’s house. Angus was relieved to see the door close behind her and know her friends would keep her company, for the time being at least.”
“I have no idea what the Hell is going on. I have never been affected this way by a woman before,” he muttered to himself.
“Every man is doomed to be affected by at least one woman in his life; one who will leave a mark upon you that you cannot ignore. If you don’t then you truly haven’t experienced live and can never find true happiness. Living in a man’s world is fine, but what happens when the day comes that you must leave it behind? What happens if you fall sick, and cannot work? What happens if you get injured and can no longer fight? What happens when age catches up with you and you can no longer work in the shadows? Do you really want to go home to a cold and empty house and spend your days listening to the crackling of the fire, while your only company is the reminiscences of the past?” Jasper snorted. “I don’t care what it takes, or what I have to sacrifice, I would rather die doing this job than condemn my life to one of barren nothingness and aged decay in solitude. If that means sacrificing a little of my life to share with a woman, and maybe a child or two, then so be it.” Jasper pointed to the door that had just closed at the Applebottom’s residence. “Women like her don’t come along more than once in your life. Be careful about what you do before you close that door because you won’t ever be able to open it back up again if you walk away from her when this part of our investigation is over. Neither she or her friends will ever allow you back in.”
“I cannot give up my work,” Angus sighed as he followed Jasper back toward the Vernon house.
“You don’t have to, do you? Look at all the others who have settled down to domestic bliss. I don’t know how they do it, you will have to speak to them. What I do know is that it is possible, if you want to make it work enough. If you are not sure, then do yourself a favour and stay the Hell away from the woman. It will do neither of you any good to allow any further intimacy if you are not sure that you want to stay in the village when this is all over. Time is ticking, Angus. You don’t have forever here so make your bloody mind up what you want and until you do, don’t risk hurting her. She doesn’t deserve that.”
“I want her to stay safe, but she won’t listen to me,” Angus growled.
“Why should she? You have entered her life, taken over her house and start telling her what to do. This is a young woman who has spent the last several years fending for herself. Why should she surrender her life to your dictates? Is it not a good thing that she does have a higher level of independence than most? After all, you won’t be around all the time the way that most happily married men are. She will have to face most of her life on her own when you are travelling up and down this country fighting in the shadows,” Jasper challenged. “Maybe she is more of a match for you than you realise?”
Angus frowned at that. For the fi
rst time in his life he couldn’t think about what he wanted to do with his life. He had never thought beyond the Star Elite’s next investigation, the next night on watch, the next gang, the next journey, the next battle. It had never occurred to him to think about the day when it might all have to stop.
“Jesus, Jasper, what in the Hell am I going to do?” he whispered, more to himself than to his friend.
“Keep yourself busy trying to find Mrs Vernon and remember you are here to get the job done, not romance the locals. If you find you cannot leave Charity or leave and miss her so much you cannot stay away, then you will have to make whatever changes are necessary. What you cannot do is ignore the way you feel and end up getting yourself killed because you are distracted.” Jasper’s gaze lifted to the lump beneath Angus’s hair.
Angus nodded because he knew he had been thinking about Charity when the attacker had struck him last night. It had almost resulted in his death and had been one of the biggest mistakes a man doing his job could ever make.
“It cannot happen again,” Angus whispered.
Jasper’s gaze was sharp. “No, it cannot happen again.”
Angus had no idea if Jasper suspected he had been intimate with Charity or was warning him not to get caught out again but didn’t bother to ask. Both situations caused significant problems that didn’t do his own reputation any good, especially with the men he fought alongside.
That thought was enough to make him harden his resolve right there and then to keep his distance from Miss Charity Kemble. Thankfully, Mrs Vernon was no longer at home. The Star Elite had decided to use her residence until the day she returned. If she did re-appear, she would be moved quietly away from the area for her own safety, until the investigation was over. Until then, Angus could live next door to Charity, keep his distance from her, but reassure himself that she truly was all right. She didn’t need to know that he was always going to be around her, watching over her, keeping her safe.
Nor would she ever have to know just how much she had come to mean to him.
Love? Is it love? Can I love? Angus couldn’t be sure.
He hated to put any label on the way he felt, not until he could be sure in his own mind that his feelings weren’t driven by lust, temptation, or the delightful allure of the first young woman he had come into frequent contact with for a very long time. Whatever this strong emotion was that he felt, Angus knew it had formed an invisible bond neither he nor Charity could ignore.