Wedding Cake Crasher (Wedding Cake 1)

“The cake,” he says solemnly and points behind me.

I turn around, and there on the small kitchen counter of the guest house is a metal platter with a pile of what might have been wedding cake.

“Oh shit,” comes out of my mouth before I have a chance to stop it.

“I can’t tell her, Hank. Oh God, she can’t find out. You have to help me.”

“Tell me what happened.” I walk toward the pile of dessert that looks like a barrel of monkeys got a hold of it. “We don’t need to tell Alisha about this. Not while she’s got the wedding day to think about. We’ll fix it, okay?”

I turn around and he looks at me and I can see a bit of relief in his eyes. He nods slowly as he swallows and comes into the small kitchen.

“They needed to drop it off first thing this morning because they have, like, five other weddings today. I told them I could meet them anytime and got up early to be there.” He runs his hands through his hair and I can see the stress of the incident replaying over and over again in his head is not helping. “They had two guys who loaded it onto the golf cart and then I was going to take it over to the reception hall and have them set it up. It was supposed to be a quick drop.”

“At what point did the cake end up in a blender?” I raise an eyebrow, but he’s not in the mood for my jokes.

“I didn’t even make it to the venue. After they loaded it up, I was driving, and I swear I was being careful, but out of nowhere these goddamn geese ran out in front of me and I had to swerve to not hit them. There were twenty of them!” He’s shouting by now as he’s pointing to the ruined cake. “When I turned the wheel of the cart, the cake fell over and then the geese started attacking it. I tried to save it, but there were too many of them, so I scooped up what I could and came straight back here.”

“And you thought saving chunks of goose-eaten cake off the ground was the best course of action?” I really shouldn’t poke at him right now, but the vision of my little brother in a panic and fighting off a flock of geese is just too funny.

“What was I supposed to do? I just kept thinking we have to have a cake!” He flings his hands in the air and I’m reminded of the Kermit flail.

“Coffee,” I say and walk into the kitchen. “This is why your day should not begin until you’ve had coffee.” I turn on the pot I prepared the night before and point to the stool at the bar. “Sit.”

He does what I say and then I watch his shoulders sink.

“Look, if the cake getting fucked up by a pack of wild geese is the biggest problem of the day, then you’re going to be just fine.” I shrug as I pour us some coffee and pass him one.

“She just wants everything to be perfect and I’m determined to make it perfect for her.”

I take a few sips of coffee and I can’t argue with Rich. He is utterly head over heels in love with his bride Alisha. They’ve been together since high school and all he’s ever wanted was to marry his girl.

“Rich.” He looks up at me. “I’m your best friend and your best man,” I say, and he nods. “I’m going to fix this. You need to go get in the shower and wash the feathers and icing out of your hair. Then go over to the reception venue and do whatever it is the wedding coordinator tells you to do.” I check my watch. “She’s going to be there in an hour and you know she’s going to have a laundry list of shit on that notepad of hers.”

“What do I tell her about the cake?” he asks as he gulps down coffee and stands up.

“Tell her that you’re keeping it in the guest house as a surprise and I’m going to bring it to the reception right before the wedding starts. Tell her you told me to handle it personally.”

“Thank you, Hank.” He comes around to give me a hug and I shake my head.

“Shower. Now.” I point. He nods and runs out of the room, and I take a look at the disaster in front of me. “And what the fuck am I going to do about this?”

Chapter Three

Hank

The reception is in full swing after a long day of preparation and the wedding ceremony. It’s nighttime and I’m exhausted after a day of learning how to bake and decorate on the fly. The five-tiered dessert is covered in pale pink buttercream frosting with a cascade of flowers down one side. It’s simple, but everything I looked up said that was the way to make it the most elegant.