Connor’s gaze flew to hers. Their eyes met and held. He saw nothing but honesty reflected back at him. The world ground to a halt, and faded into insignificance as her words swept through him. His mind whirled as he tried to absorb what she said, but his mind went completely blank.
Tahlia, the room, indeed the entire world suddenly swirled on its axis.
“What did you say?” he commanded woodenly.
“Joseph is our son. Before I left London I began to feel unwell, but put it down to the stress of everyone closing their doors on us. It wasn’t until I reached Rutland, and was in the process of reopening the house that I realised what was wrong. By then it was too late to come back.” She reluctantly met his gaze and held her palms out beseechingly. “I had no idea where you had gone or when you would be back. I wrote to Henry and informed him. He suggested that I remain in Rutland but promised me that if you ever re-appeared, which he doubted, he would inform you. I take it that he didn’t?”
Connor wanted to be angry with Henry, but understood the man’s need to protect his niece and her child, especially from someone who had simply abandoned her.
“It was an impossible situation,” she added when Connor didn’t move or speak for several uncomfortable moments.
“Where is he now?” Connor’s gaze flew around the room as though expecting him to be hiding behind the chaise.
“He is too young to travel all the way here. He is a bundle of energy, and refuses to sit still at any given moment. To remain confined in a carriage would make him completely insufferable. He is being looked after by Oscar’s wife, Alice, my housekeeper. Given what has happened today, I need you to understand just how important it is that at least one of us has to be able to reach Rutland alive. Joseph needs looking after.”
“When you go back, I am coming with you,” Connor declared flatly as though he expected her to argue.
Tahlia couldn’t object and nodded, however was deeply troubled by just how quiet he had gone.
“I warn you now that Joseph will jump all over you the first chance he gets,” she admitted wryly. “He has the adoring attention of the four of us, because Cecily looks after him as well as Oscar and myself. He is ruined, really, and will think nothing of clambering over anyone who sits down long enough.”
Connor stared blankly at the carpet. One thing he knew for definite was that life as he knew it was over. He had already sacrificed enough while working for the Star Elite. Nothing was going to cost him either the woman beside him, or his son. He suddenly wanted to see his son so badly that he positively ached with the need to get onto his horse and get going.
“I shouldn’t have kept it from you,” she whispered apologetically. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him.
“You did what you had to do,” Connor replied. Aware of her tension, he placed his hand comfortingly over her tightly clenched fists. “I want to rant at you, but in all conscience I cannot. I was responsible for the way things turned out between us not you. I now bitterly regret not leaving you some way of contacting me.”
“Please, let’s not go over all of that again,” she interrupted. “We need to put it to one side. We cannot change what has happened. In the event, life for me turned out for the best. Moving to Rutland proved to be my saving grace. I cannot blame you for Joseph. I was as culpable as you.”
Connor found the strength to snap out of his daze and turned to face her.
“Let’s start afresh then,” he suggested.
Tahlia nodded. It was impossible to prevent the tears from leaking out of the corner of her eyes. She couldn’t resist him when he drew her into his arms. Instead, she leaned against him and returned his embrace. They remained locked in silence, wrapped protectively in each other’s arms for a long time while they each put the past to rest, and considered what to do next.
“I never once forgot you,” he murmured gently. “How could I? While my work requires strength, stamina, and sometimes the willingness to put my life in danger, I had none of those things when I was faced with having to deal with you. I couldn’t tell you that I had to go because I didn’t know while I was with you. As soon as I found out I contemplated coming to see you before I left, but if you had protested, or become upset, I doubted I would have the strength to leave. I wanted to be there for you, but I couldn’t risk the people I was watching seeing me. It wouldn’t have been just me they killed; my colleagues would have died too. I couldn’t risk it. I know that what I did back then was cowardly. In my defence, my life has always been immersed in the Star Elite. Outside of that I had nothing to offer anybody like you. Because you were so damned irresistible, it was impossible to keep my hands off you. I had no resistance to your charms.” He leaned back to look at her. “I was only supposed to have one or two dances with you while I watched my targets. As soo
n as we had our first waltz, I was completely lost. It shames me to confess it, but I was so bedazzled by you that the person I was supposed to be watching left and I didn’t even notice.”
Tahlia felt her cheeks flame with embarrassment, and felt her lips quirk in spite of the pain that came with the memories.
He refused to allow her to hide from him, or their memories of what they had shared and tipped her chin up until she looked at him.
“It’s still there,” he whispered huskily. “My desire for you is as strong as ever.”
Before she could speak, Connor kissed her in a way that left her with no doubt as to his need of her. The kiss swiftly became heated as passion roared to life. It quickly became a battle of wills where he commanded, she challenged, and they both succumbed to the flames that quickly overtook them.
“God, Tahlia,” he murmured. “You amaze me.”
“I do?” she asked tentatively.
“What does he look like?” he whispered.
Tahlia melted at the pride that shone in Connor’s eyes when he mentioned Joseph.
“Like you,” she replied honestly.
If she was honest with herself, Joseph was part of the reason why her love for Connor could never die. Every time she looked at their son she saw his father in him.