Tough Cookies (New Year New Me 1)

“Pssh. He should get over it.”

“Seeing you linked with Anders shook him. It was fine when you were alone and caring for Clem. Now he sees you for the sexy, single woman you are. And I’m petty enough for the both of us to love it.” She grins wickedly.

“E-vil.” I elongate the two syllables of the words.

“Are you going to tell me what’s up with the Cookie King now?”

“Nothing.” Not totally true.

“He looks at you like he wants to take your panties off with his teeth.” She clicks her teeth together.

“Jordan.” My jaw drops, and she chuckles.

r /> “He does! The entire internet sees it. Why do you think everyone is obsessed with you two?”

“Ugh.” I roll my shoulders. “I don’t know why. But I wish they’d stop.”

“Once you two get together, it might die down.” Jordan nudges me.

“That is not going to happen.”

“Why not?” she asks.

“Look at how things are going now. If we dated, I’d never get away from the public interest.” Images of the strict diets, the abrasive comments from Jackson, and all the community events we had to attend flash in my mind.

“Matilda,” her voice softens, “you know he’s not Jackson.”

“Of course.” The two couldn’t be more different. From Jackson’s blue eyes and blond hair to the way Anders’ family worked their way up from nothing.

“Then why are you so opposed?” She leans in closer. “I know you like him.”

“Are you kidding me? He drives me insane.” I dip a fry into ketchup and bring it to my mouth.

Jordan watches me silently. “He makes you feel, and it’s been a long time since that happened. Why would you let that go?”

“Because the pressure would be the same. To be perfect. Never say the wrong thing. Hold on to him when so many people want to take him because of who he is.” My voice cracks. I know Brittany targeted Jackson. He was rich, handsome, and apparently ripe for the picking. I don’t want to live with that worry or hate. No one had ever let me forget that I was a black girl with a wealthy white man in the limelight. I felt I had to be more everything to justify it for others. I want a man with aspirations for a normal life. One that isn’t run by cameras, social media, or big dreams that involved public opinion. I paid my dues with that, and in the end, I wouldn’t recommend it. Though, I’d be forever grateful for my baby girl. She was my life.

“Matilda. You’ve come a long way with healing this past year. Don’t let fear make you miss out on what is right in front of you.”

“How is knowing what I want and what I don’t allowing fear to win?” I feel the panic rising inside of me.

“Because nothing you said had to do with Anders himself.”

“He’s a bossy task driver with a wicked voice that melts me like butter, and brown eyes I could get lost in. But his job is a deal-breaker.” I slap the table, and we both jump.

“Shit.” Tears crowd my eyes. “He’s still winning,” I croak.

“He hurt you badly, babe. It’s perfectly normal to be scared. As long as it doesn’t rule you.”

I’ve thought those words to myself like a mantra, but hearing them from someone else helps.

Sniffling, I nod, and dash at the tears threatening to fall.

“Mommy.” Clem runs toward me with Ryder trailing behind.

“Did you have fun, baby?” I force a smile onto my face and will my eyes to dry up.

“We did. But we’re ready to eat now.” Clem climbs into her seat across me after helping Ryder into his. Nearly four, he’s still getting a hold of his motor skills and emotions. I love the kind heart that allows her to play with the younger boy while watching out for him. They were more like siblings than family friends.