“Fie.” My nickname is honey to my ears.
“That’s right, love.”
“I- I can’t,” her voice shakes, and I release her hair and move back.
“I’ll give you the space you need to acclimate for now.”
“My father?”
I shake my head. “No news to give. He’s in the wind. If he’s a crafty old bugger, who escaped or he’s been captured I can’t say. I have people working on finding out.”
She closes her eyes and nods.
“After everything, you still love him so much.”
“He’s the only parent I have. And we came to an understanding recently. He apologized for what he did. He admitted he was wrong. That’s more than I’ve ever gotten from him my entire life. So excuse me if I’m concerned for his safety. I’ll never make excuses or fully forgive him for what he did to us. But.” Her voice cracked. “He’s my father, and I don’t want to see him dead.”
“Once he might’ve been all you had. Not anymore. I’ll find out what I can, love.”
She sniffs and nods her head, sitting up straight. Her hands tremble as she wipes the tears away. “We need to maintain for Kier. He adores his Papa, and he’s been the only man in his life.”
I growl.
“I know you’re upset. You have a right to be. I get it. But he’s already losing so much. We can’t take the memory of him at the same time.”
“So ye want me to pretend then?”
“It’s what I’ve been doing. After everything happened. I shut down, pulled away moved into my own place, and lived off my own money. Until I started getting sick.”
“You were sick.”
“Well, it was morning sickness, but I didn’t’ know that at the time. I started to think I had cancer. Once I realized I had a life to provide for I got my shit together. All the money he ever gave has been divided into trust funds and an account for Kier. I played nice because Kier needed someone other than me in his life. Family is important. It was an agreement my father and I reached. I lived life on my terms, and he got to be a part of his life. I’m not proud of the way I used him as a bargaining tool, but it allowed me to take my life back and shape his world the way I wanted it to be. I spent a year waiting for you to come back. When you didn’t, I figured you were dead or no longer interested.”
“That’s not it at all—.”
Kier stirs beside her, and we both go silent. The conversation will have to wait for now.
“Mom?”
“I’m right here, baby. Perfect timing, we just stopped.” Her voice has softened, and she’s looking at him with tenderness and adoration only a mother could manage. My head is being clouded by emotions. I need to take a minute before I proceed. There’s a lot coming at me.
“Let’s get inside, and I’ll show you the house and where you’ll be staying.
Chapter Four
Athena
It’s been a few days now, and I’m no closer to reconciling my emotions or figuring out what we’re going to do. Jet lag has made me its bitch, and the enormity of my situation is staggering. There’s been no news on my father as we continue to treat this trip as an impromptu vacation with a friend of mommy’s. Alfie’s changed. His accent is thicker, and he’s twice the size he once was. The crow’s feet are deeper around his eyes, but the laugh lines have faded. Despite all the power he’s amassed, he appears to have remained stoic.
Even more closed off, he’s harsher than before, which I didn’t think was possible. Then again, as a debt collector, you have to rule your workers with an iron fist and show no mercy or wavering in the field. It's eye-opening, watching him screen calls, deal with employees, and leave to work. He spent the first day home, taking us to the local shop and allowing Kier to pick the décor for his room. My little boy is growing up, gone are the days of Bob the Builder and Thomas the train. His navy themed room looks like it belongs to a tween. Ugh, I’m not ready for that age. He’s worked the last two days, but he’s due home any moment to take us sight-seeing.
I glance over at my son. Engrossed in his X-box Game, he’s completely oblivious to the truth. I envy him. Sleep is fleeting, and the phone calls I’ve yet to return has led to a buildup of messages in my voicemail. I don’t have my story straight, so a conversation with anyone is impossible. There’s also a chance that I could be tracked through them. Reassured Kier is fine, I make my way back to my room, leaving the door open. I’m shocked, Alfie did this. From the soft turquoise throw rug, I’m sinking my toes into to the turquoise comforter with peonies. The man even remembered my favorite flower. It’s hard to stay angry at him when he’s showing me how much I meant.
He’s kept quiet about his past with my father and his paternity, but I can tell it’s killing him. Every time he looks at Kier, there’s longing, joy, and fury wrapped into one. I can still read those electric blue pools after all this time when his guard is down. Which isn’t often. A small voice in my head tells me what I’m doing is wrong. But it’s drowned out by the urge to do right by Kier. I have yet to tell him this is our home for now. Being a parent is hard, but this feels like walking through a minefield and trying not to detonate anything. In the end, my little boy is going to have his heartbroken. Putting it off won’t change that. But it might give me a chance to get myself together so I can help him through the next stage in life.
Right now, I’m shaky and confused. I understand his reasons. They parallel with my own. I didn’t want to complicate things more. I had Kier to worry about, and most of all, I didn’t know if he blamed me for what my father had done. It shames me to admit it, even to myself. The thought of seeing his eyes devoid of emotion stopped me every time I got the itch to search for him. There were days when I got in the car and thought of nothing more than boarding a plane to England with Kier in tow and hunting him down. It's been long lonely years. Too afraid of getting close, I never let relationships with men veer in the romantic lane.
Now I’m here with the one man who owns my heart and shares my DNA, and I can’t get past the thought that giving in to him would make weak. He never came back. He was too busy recovering and rebuilding. If it wasn’t for that Kier and I would be shit out of luck. I sink onto the bed and peer out the window to the streets below. It’s bizarre being here in this penthouse apartment. One look at the large building across from us tells me I’m far from the United States, and I’m from Boston. We have plenty of original architecture and streets. I long for the home we’d purchased, and the garden where I find my peace. I’m not sure about the rules for practicing medicine in a different country. Have I lost everything I’ve worked so hard for?