Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos 2)

“Good, I’m going to get off here, brew a cup of coffee, and pack a bag. Then I’m on the road.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

“If sleep takes you, don’t fight it. But your ass better get up to answer the door for me.”

He laughed, and the sound was heavenly. He was moving away from that dark place she knew all too well.

“I’ll get up. I promise.”

They disconnected, and she rushed through the house like a mad woman, tossing things into the small black suitcase she pulled out from underneath her bed. She was in her car and on the street before she could talk herself out of anything. This wasn’t her normal, rushing off in the middle of the night to places unknown. But she couldn’t ignore the sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach.

She pulled into the motel parking lot as the sky was turning from midnight blue to purple. Killing the engine, she grabbed her bag from the passenger seat and stepped out. There were no lights on in room 306, and she wondered if she’d made the right call. Now that he had time to sober up, would he resent her presence? Too late to choke now.

She left the car, locking it behind her and walked over to the door, knocking loudly. A few minutes later, the door swung open to reveal a disheveled giant with red-rimmed eyes, and dark circles. He stepped forward and lifted her off the ground. Squealing, she wrapped her arms around his neck to stabilize herself.

He tangled his thick fingers in her hair, and she inhaled his scent. The smell of whiskey, woods, and something pure Xavier hit her. When did this man become my idea of comfort? She trailed her fingers through his dark hair, nuzzling his neck.

“Fuck it’s good to see you, Es.” When he placed a kiss on the top of her head, warmth spread through her body. After he set her down, she cupped his cheek. He leaned into her touch and she amazed at the changes that had occurred in the man overnight. Before, he’d always seemed larger than life.

“You don’t look right, Xavier.”

“I feel worse. Come on, let’s get inside.” He pulled her in, glanced around the parking lot, and shut the door.

“You want to tell me what’s going on?”

“You know my story. We got a tip from someone who had information on what happened. There’s a chance my Jocelyn is out there somewhere. I don’t know who has her, what her life has been like, or what she was told about Jade and me.”

His voice cracked. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I want to believe it, and then I don’t. If I get my hopes up, and it was a lie…” He shook his head and sank to his knees, burying his face in her belly. This was about so much more than the anonymous tip. This was years’ worth of pain finally spilling over. How long has he kept all of this inside?

“Whatever it is, I’m here for you. I won’t pretend to know what this feels like, but you’re not alone.” She kissed his crown, stroking his hair. “If she’s alive, I know you’ll move heaven and earth to get her back. Once you have her, the love you’ll pour into her will be the thing that truly matters.”

“What if it’s not? How can I ever make up for the ways I let her down? I let both of them down.”

“No, you didn’t. None of this is on you. Bad shit happens that we can’t control. All we can do is pick up after the storm blows through and find a way to keep moving forward. If she’s still out there, it’s a gift. You get a second chance to be a parent. That’s a precious gift, and no one I know deserves it as much as you. You’re incredible. Three months ago you didn’t even know me, and already you’ve worked miracles in my life. A child would be blessed to have you as a father.”

“I’m not so sure.”

“I am.”

He snickered and pulled away. “I look like a pussy all but sobbing all over you.”

“No, you sound like a man who loves his child. Nothing pussy about that.” Their gazes locked, and her mouth went dry. There is so much beauty inside this man. He rose, and she tilted her head back to maintain eye contact.

“I can’t believe you came down here.”

“I thought we were supporting,” she said.

“This goes beyond that.”

The air between them grew thick.

She cleared her throat. “Now we sleep. I have to get up in a few hours and drive back, and you need to rest.”

He blinked slowly and nodded his head. “There’s only one bed.”

She peered at the large bed. “I think we can manage.” She toed off her shoes, unzipped her jacket, and tossed it onto a chair. “Come on.” Grabbing his hand she tugged him toward the bed, sensing how lost he was. She slid beneath the covers faking the confidence she didn’t feel. The bed dipped under his weight, and he pulled her body toward his, wrapping his muscular arms around her.

“You’re so damn tiny,” he said.