Broken but Breathing (Jinx Tattoos 2)

Estelle

Estelle stepped back and studied her handiwork. They were set to begin bi-weekly visits. She wasn’t sure what Jocelyn thought about their newly cemented position in her life. They were still known as friends of the family. She had a feeling Snake wanted this room set up so he could make her feel at home before he revealed who he actually was. The Miles hadn’t made things easy. Every step forward had been like pulling teeth.

They didn’t want to leave Joc alone with them. They said it would confuse the young girl, and give her abandonment issues. It was utter bullshit, and she’d wasted no time calling them on it. It was a lifesaving decision when they began to let them take her alone for larger chunks of time. Snake had been nice out of courtesy for Jocelyn, but that wouldn’t last indefinitely if they continued to block progress. The bi-weekly visits had been suggested by their lawyer, after Snake started to list ways the Miles could disappear. Her man could be scary when he wanted to be.

The walls were a pale turquoise that she’d broken up with white butterflies going down the side of the wall beside the bed. Jocelyn was written in cursive above her bed with vinyl letters. A white shelf across the room sat next to a desk. It was filled with arts supplies, and picture frames waiting for photos. She’d hung gauzy white curtains around the bed and threaded white lights into them, turning them into something from a fairytale.

It was a room any little girl would love, but most little girls hadn’t been given the moon and stars like Jocelyn had. She wanted things to be perfect. The girl had warmed to them as friends. The truth would paint them in a different light—as her father and a maternal figure. Am I ready for this? She adored Jocelyn, but taking care of her every day would be tough. She would be resentful, confused, and rebellious. As her father, it would be Snake’s job to reel her back in, keep her steady, and provide stability. Where does that leave me? I’m not even her stepmother.

The last thing she wanted to do was make things more difficult for the pair. She ran her hands through her growing hair. They were so new. Would it be fair to bring an innocent child into the situation? What if they didn’t work out and she left? How badly would that impact Jocelyn? She hadn’t gotten cold feet like this until now. Normally she’d call Jole, but she’d made her views on Snakes surprise child pretty clear. She didn’t need to add fuel to that fire.

Kali. Leaving the room, she grabbed her phone.

“Hey, girl, how’s the munchkin?”

“She’s not here yet, and I am freaking out. What am I doing? This is more than just me and Snake now. What if I screw this kid up?”

“What? Where the hell is this coming from?” Kali asked.

“I was putting the finishing touches on her room, and I realized I have no clue where I fit into this picture. This should be about him and his little girl.”

“You’re his old lady.”

“And what does that mean really? I’m not her stepmother.”

“You might as well be. You don’t need a label to love and care for someone.”

“No. But it would help me know my place. What if I cross a boundary I’m not meant to?”

“Is this about that, or the fact that you’re going to be around a child full time now?” Kali said.

“I can’t lose another one, Kal,” she whispered. Her voice cracked.

“Honey, you won’t. Do you really think Snake would let you go? He’d chase you down to the ends of the Earth and drag you home by your hair.”

Es scoffed.

“What? You’d like it,” Kali said.

She laughed despite the tears that rolled down her cheek. “Maybe.”

“Definitely. Listen, don’t self-sabotage yourself. You’d regret it for the rest of your life. This is going to be hard for all of you. Snake is going to need you to keep him grounded and be that bridge. He knows nothing about little girls.”

“And I do? I was a teacher, always the aunt, never the mother.”

“You’re a natural,” Kali remarked.

“You’re not going to let me win this one are you?”

“No, because you’re wrong.”

“You make it sound so easy,” Es said.

“It’s always easier to have clarity when you’re outside looking in. This is me giving you tough love. After what you’ve been through, I’m stunned you’re only getting cold feet right now.”

“It all happened fast…buying the house, decorating, moving in, and meeting Jocelyn. Now she’s coming here for the weekend and I get the feeling he’ll tell her who he really is. I don’t know how she’s going to react.”

“Whatever she throws at you, the two of you will be able to handle together. You’ve gone through a lot and it hasn’t been a year. That says a lot about staying power.”