“Who says we only get one? Maybe she was your soulmate, and Clara is your twin flame.”
“My what?”
“Polar opposite meant to make you whole.”
“How are they not the same thing?” I ask, confounded.
“One is your perfect match, and the other is your mirror. The relationships with your flame tend to be intensely passionate, and not always in a good way. You’ve experienced that with your mistaken identity incident.”
“Don’t ruin this for me.” My voice shakes.
Micah’s brow furrows. “Ruin what?”
“This balance we have. It works for me. For both of us. Don’t tip us into a territory where I can no longer follow.”
“Can’t is not the same as don’t want to.”
“Micah—”
“No. We’ve all avoided talking about this for too long. I know you loved Holly. She was your high school sweetheart and one hell of a woman. You were lucky to have her. We all were. But I know she would not want you to spend the rest of your life alone.”
I stand to leave. “Stop.”
Micah jumps up and places himself in front of me, blocking off my exit. “No. You stop. Why are you torturing yourself like this? I know it hurts, but it’s been years, Ash. Don’t you deserve to find happiness again?”
“I am happy.”
“Not even you believe that.”
I bow my head. “It was my fault.” I choke on the words I’ve been holding in for too long.
“She had a genetic condition.”
“Which is why we should never have tried for a baby. I should’ve put my foot down. She was more than enough. I didn’t need to have a child, but she wanted to try so badly.” My vision blurs.
“The doctor told you there was no proof the baby was the tipping of the scale. Her disease is like a time bomb.”
“How could it not have been? It taxed her body. There are so many ways to be a parent. I should’ve insisted on adoption or surrogacy. We have all this money, and it did nothing to help me keep her.” The floodgates open and sobs spill from my throat before I can manage them.
“Ash.” My brother hugs me, and I release the pain I’ve tried to keep hidden. “It wasn’t your fault. Holly was chasing her dream. You supported her like you always did. She knew she was on borrowed time. You helped her make every second of it count. I’m sorry you lost her and the baby. It was a tragedy. No one is to blame, and there are no explanations. Bad things happen to good people, and we have to hold on to those good memories and move forward to live for them. Because deep down we know it’s what they would want. Not just your Holly. Our parents, too. We’ve lost more than most, but we also gained. They made us better people, and that’s something we get to carry with us out into the world.”
I sniff and nod my head. “I know you’re right. I’ve had this conversation many times with a therapist. Some guilt lingers. It’s a struggle to fight against those illogical thoughts at times.” I run a hand over my face. “I didn’t mean to break down like that.”
“I think you needed it. We always stand together. That’s what family is for.” He pats my shoulder. “Maybe this thing with Clara won’t get off the ground. But I think you owe it to both of you to find out.”
Rubbing the back of my neck, I tell him, “The thought of opening myself up to another person terrifies me, Micah. I don’t know if I can do it again. It makes you vulnerable.”
“That’s the con. What about the pros?”
“I may never be ready to get back out there, Micah. I’ve made my peace with that, and I think you should, too.” I clear my throat. “I’m going to get cleaned up a bit before I leave to meet Clara. She’s a punctual little thing.”
Micah smiles at me. I ignore the sadness in his gaze. It’s better this way.
Inside of the bathroom, I splash water on my face and take a deep breath. The seed planted in my mind threatens to grow. Pros. Entering into a relationship with Clara would bring a fullness to my life I’ve nearly forgotten. I miss doting on a special woman and receiving that same adoration in return. Gripping the edge of the tiled sink, I stare at my reflection.
“Snap out of it.” Pushing away, I stand up straight, dry my hands, and exit the bathroom, tucking my hopeful thoughts away where they can’t influence me.
I walk up the stairs from the parking lot, admiring the revamp that’s been done on the town. The facelift to the urban areas has changed Cincinnati for the better, infusing new life, attracting young upstarts, and adding a lot more to do in the once insanely conservative and slow-paced city. I reach the top and admire the iconic theater. One-hundred-and-seven years old, the tiny theater first opened in nineteen eleven. After surviving the great depression, it nearly closed due to the popularity of bigger chains and television shows. Saved by the city of Clifton, it’s an underdog story with a happy ending as it holds the title of one of the leading independent theaters. The dark blue building has an Art Deco feeling with its beige diamond tiles on the surface, and red, white, and blue triangular pattern along the bottom of the building near the sidewalk.