Sweeter Than Candy (The Davenports 1)

ASHER

There’s a special kind of guilt that comes from being wrong. It’s been eating at me like corrosive acid since Clara and I parted ways a few nights earlier. She didn’t fuss or demand an apology. It was her kindness that pressed down on my chest like a weight. I should’ve apologized, and made it right immediately. Instead, I’ve let it drag on. The silence between us unsettles me. I run my hand down my face. The urge to visit Holly is strong.

I follow my instincts to the Arlington Memorial Gardens, where she and the baby are buried. It’s been months since I visited the grave, but I talk to her in my mind often. I don’t believe the people we love ever truly leave us. Their spirits aren’t bound to the plot of land where we bury them. I drive through the open gate into the sprawling green space. I chose this place because of its beauty and their unique approach.

The Garden was taken literally in their name. Flowers, bridges over ponds, and beautiful statues create a peaceful place that felt appropriate for my wife and child. The focus they put on preserving memories and holding events like Easter Sunrise services, were an added bonus. I feel like they celebrate life, in a way many cemeteries don’t.

Parking the car, I make the walk to the memorial that sits on a thick stone slab. An image of a mother and child are etched on a black stone carved to bring the silhouettes to life. The work of art connects to a bench made of the same dark stone. I wanted a comfortable place to be with them. Taking a seat, I close my eyes.

“It’s been a while since I came to visit. Life’s been busy, and I didn’t feel like this was where I needed to be at the time. I’ve made the decision to date again. Her name’s Clara, and you’d love her, Hol. She’s smart, sweet, and so giving. Her ability to care for others amazes me. I didn’t mean for it to get so serious, and now I can’t imagine life without her. We clicked. From there we started doing things together. It’s more fun than I’ve had in years. We’ve rediscovered the city together, and somewhere in that process, my emotions started to change. It snuck up on me. The attraction was always there, but it’s grown into the possibility of much more.” The words of honesty are as much for me as they are to Holly. Even now, she’s helping me clear out my cluttered headspace.

“What we had together is untouchable. Regardless of where my relationship goes with Clara, I’ll never forget you or love you less. If she’s the woman I believe her to be, she’ll understand and accept that. You and Jules are the best thing I ever did in my life.” My voice cracks. I clear my throat and swallow. “Even with the way things turned out, I wouldn’t change a thing about our life together. We lived so much during our years together it felt like we had two lifetimes together instead of one.” The past plays in my head like a movie. Homecoming, prom, graduation, our marriage, and vacations flood my brain. Warmth rises inside of me and bursts from my throat in laughter tinged with tears.

It’s a cathartic soul cleansing I hadn’t been able to have a year ago. This is the start of truly letting go. I stand a man at the start of metamorphosis. Perspective adjusted, a spark long doused flickers to life. Hope is an incredible thing.

“I screwed up, but I’m going to fix it.” For a moment, I swear I catch the scent of her vanilla perfume. I tilt my head up to the sun beaming down on me and smile. The drive to the home where I spent so many years is odd. I haven’t been back to visit my in-laws in over a year. I used to check in on them often, but over time that ended. I pull into the modest-sized ranch and walk up to the front door. After knocking, I shove my hands into my blue jeans. The door swings open and Mrs. B’s face lights up.

“Asher! What a pleasant surprise.”

“Hi, Mrs. B.” Bending down, I accept her hug. She still smells like freshly baked cookies and sunshine.

“Come on inside. George, look who came to visit us.”

I step inside and smil

e at the thin, white-haired man with kind brown eyes, crow’s feet, and laugh lines around his mouth.

“Ash. It’s good to see you.” He rises from his lazy boy, and I walk over to hug him. “What brings you by?”

“I realized how long it’d been since I came by, and I wanted to talk to you about a few things.”

“Well, have a seat.” He gestures toward the sofa. I perch on the edge and angle my body to face him. “I wasn’t expecting to see you, Mrs. B. You caught me unaware at the restaurant. It’s been a long road since we lost Holly. No one could ever replace her, and her memory is etched into my brain. She’ll always be my first love, and the mother of my child, but recently I’ve come to see it’s time for me to step back into the land of the living. I met a woman who makes me want to be a better person. I hurt her when I called her a friend.”

“Oh, Ash. We never expected you to stay single forever. You’re young, and we still see so many great things in yur future like fatherhood. I’m sorry if I made you feel that we didn’t,” Mrs. B replies.

“It’s nothing you did. I panicked, and hurt the one person who means the most to me.”

“It sounds like you have some groveling to do, son,” Mr. B says seriously. Their easy acceptance of the new developments in my life makes me grin.

“Son, you were a godsend for our Holly. Without you, I’m not sure she would’ve lived as well for as long as she did. You gave her purpose, and the ability to dream. We’re forever indebted to you for that. You were the answer to our prayers.”

“I was the lucky one.”

Mrs. B gives a chocked laugh. “And that’s an example of the incredible blessing you were to her. You loved her as she was. You’ve always got a place at our table along with any woman who captures your heart. Because we know she must be special. We’ve prayed for you to find peace and love again. We saw your struggle, and it tore us up. You’re as much our son as she was our daughter.”

The words lance the rancid boil that had festered inside of me. I’ve spent so long living with false assumptions it hits me like a sharp blow to the chest. “Thank you,” I whisper, humbled.

“Bring your young lady by for dinner on Sunday. We’ll have a nice long visit, and do what we can to put her at ease. I feel awful that I helped cause dissension between you.”

“I’ll do that. Thank you for always being here for me, especially after my parents died.”

“We’ll always be here for you, son. Remember that,” Mr. B states.

“I will. I have to get going now. I have some apologizing to do.”

She opens the door, and I’m struck by how adorable she is in an over-sized Star Wars sleep shirt.

“Hi,” I say softly.