Breath Of Life

“Oh no, we know things aren’t okay, believe me,” I snort. It was about control and owning your emotions. I made the mistake of letting my ex-fiancé, Bryan, control and manipulate me when I was young and in the throes of puppy love. It went on for longer than it should have because I didn’t know better. Since then I guarded myself with the ferociousness of a pit bull protecting its owners from peril.

“I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I get that. The thing is, I’m still figuring it all out. Give me space to work through it.”

“I don’t want you to feel like you have to go through this alone—”

Reaching across the table, I grab her wrist. “I know I’m not, Ri. I’m going to be fine eventually. I’m just wading in the deep at the moment. You know what that’s like. You’re a profound thinker, too. Look, I’ll come in for an alignment, okay?” I say, grasping at the peace offering.

“Fine,” she mumbles.

“Enough about me. Everyone and their cousins know about what’s happened to me recently. What’s going on with you?”

She huffs. “I’m going to allow the topic swap, but I want you to know I’m on to you.” She takes a healthy sip of her Pinot Noir, and I know she’s about to drop something juicy. “Cyan read for me the other day, and she thinks Mr. Right will finally be showing up.”

My eyes widen. Her best friend, Cyan, has a way of speaking things that come to pass. One had to be pretty damn accurate to make their living as a psychic, with her own parlor, a black book full of clients, and blog radio station. I’m convinced she’s the real deal.

“And how do you feel about that?” I ask. My sister is high energy. The kind that burned out pretty much every guy she’d ever dated.

“Nervous, but ready. Forty is knocking on the door, and I’m ready to settle down with the right person and maybe think about children. I don’t know. I’m open for adoption and being a foster parent, too. Who knows?”

The excitement in her voice makes me grin. It’s been a long time coming for her.

OLLIE

“Thanks, man, you’re a life saver,” I say as Houston smooths the clean swatch of white gauze over my back, keeping it in place with medical tape.

“Anytime, brother. Though, I’m shocked Allie isn’t over here doing this. You were on-ish again, weren’t you?”

“Naw, man, we were adding benefits to an already complicated situation.”

“Stupid.”

“Yeah, it was.”

“But not anymore?” Houston asks.

“No, it was pointless. If I was going to settle down with her permanently, I already would’ve. I mean not even Rolly could keep us from crumbling piece by piece. She’s too needy and moody. It used to keep things exciting. I’m too old for that shit show now, and I don’t want my son to think its okay to be an adult that has temper tantrums.” I shake my head thinking of her departure from the hospital. Every conversation we’ve had since has been strictly about Rolly and ice-cold.

“Well she is his mother, so he’s going to see it. She may be high drama, but she loves Rolly and takes good care of him.”

“Thank God for that. When we’re not together, she doesn’t act like that, man. It’s like she’s another person. Which is what used to pull me back in. I’d think maybe she changed.”

“Why the sudden wake-up call?” Houston steps back.

I sigh as I study the dime-sized hole slowly healing. Looking at it now you would never guess it collapsed my lung. I complete the bandage swa

p on my chest. “Ain’t nothing like staring death in the face to make you understand what matters, what’s not working, and what you really want. This thing with me and Allie is never going to be more than a joke of a relationship. It’s not that she’s younger. It has to do with us not gelling on a deeper level. I think we keep hooking up because after four years it’s comfortable and we have Rolly. It’s not fair to either of us.”

“Dude. Did you see a white light when you got shot, or what?” Houston asks quietly.

I shake my head. “Or what. I know I’ve never been known for my seriousness, but it’s time I grew up. We’re forty-one and pushing forty-two. I can’t stay in that same place. I’m not that professional skater traveling from town to town and getting all the girls I could. I chose to leave that lifestyle behind when I signed on with you to run the shop ... but I kept the behaviors.”

“Dude, don’t be so hard on yourself. It’s not like you were a scum bag.”

I laugh. Leave it to Houston to say exactly what I need to hear. “I don’t know. I think there are a few women out there who’d disagree with that.”

He snickers. “You always let them know you weren’t down for anything serious. I couldn’t do it, but I admired you for it. Remember, I saw what others you were traveling with were like.”