Breath Of Life

He blinks. I see him snap out o

f his stupor.

“What?”

“You’re shocked, hurting, and not thinking straight. I’ve always called you on your bullshit.”

His nostrils flare and I know I’ve reached him, even if it’s in anger.

“I’m trying to keep you safe.”

“When have I ever asked you to do that?”

“My fuck up got Roland killed. I can’t live through that with you, too. I can’t.” His voice raises, and I jerk. The broken tone brings me to tears.

I grip his hand with mine. “We said we were in this together. I’m going to hold you to that.”

“I hear you, but right now ...” Bending, he kisses my hand. “I’m in a dark place, sassy. I’m not so far gone I can’t see it, but I sure as hell can’t do anything but focus on breathing.” He breathes heavily as if it took a great effort for him to admit.

Maybe it did.

“You’re not alone in this. I’m here.”

He cups the side of my face. “Exactly. I can’t stay in the house. There’s a lot of work that needs to be done, and I just ...” He shudders.

“Where are you?”

“In a hotel. It’s probably safer.”

“Are the cops looking after you?”

He shakes his head and my concern increases.

“Why do I have one if you don’t?”

“You’re in a public place.”

He glances away, and I can’t help but feel like he’s lying. I want to call him on it, but my energy is waning.

“You should rest.”

“Where are you going?” I ask, hating the need so audible in my voice.

“I have arrangements to make.”

I close my eyes. He’s talking about Rolly’s funeral.

“Is there ... Can I help?”

He shakes his head. “It’s best we keep you and Allie apart. When you get out, we’ll do something together.”

I glance down at the sheet feeling rejected. In the span of a heartbeat, everything changed. The future’s uncertain, and so is my place in his life.

He bends down and brushes our lips together in a sweet kiss tainted by sadness and what feels too much like good-bye.

“Focus on getting better and getting out of here for me, please.”

I feel his very spirit retreat as he pulls away, straightens, and walks out of the room. A cavern I don’t know how to traverse has formed between us. I wasn’t a parent, and as much as I loved Rolly, I had no inclining of what this must feel like for him ... or Allie for that matter. She blamed me for what happened to Ollie, so I can only imagine what she said about this. Hell, maybe she’s right. I grip the railings of the bed while I fight the urge to break down. That never got anyone anywhere. Step one, get better, get out, and fight like hell for the things that matter most.