As if we asked to be robbed, shot, and stalked. I can’t be anywhere near her. I’m afraid I’d snap, and things would get violent. Roland was our son, n
ot just hers. She doesn’t get to be the only one who’s affected. Her selfishness and drama make me want to strangle her. Bowing my head, I wonder where he is right now. I always liked the idea of heaven, but I’m not sure if I’m a true believer.
It’s hard to believe in God when I live in a world where such horrible events occur regularly. The days of not locking your home are long gone, and now you can’t even walk down the street or do the right thing without suffering the wrath of pure evil. I’ve never seen anyone look as inhuman as Santiago did that night with eyes full of death and no remorse. The image will haunt me until the day I die. My spine stiffens. I sniff. The familiar scent of bubble gum bubble bath hits me, and I turn slowly. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I’m not sure what I expect to see, but there’s nothing there.
Rolly? The smell increases and a warmth fills me. I close my eyes and it’s like he’s beside me. I can almost feel his tiny hand in mind. My shoulders shake with silent sobs I can’t hold back. I open my eyes and peer up just in time to see a spark of light shot across the sky. A falling star. I feel a ghostly hand brush against mine. He’s here. Peace settles over me. He’s here, and right now he’s somewhere safer than any place I could imagine. The words in my head are foreign to me, but solid—in a way facts I’ve known all my life to be true are.
I’ve heard of people having spiritual experiences before, but I never imagined one would happen to me. Turn around. I slowly rotate my body, and the door opens to reveal an uncertain looking Quinn dressed in black pajama bottoms and one of my old Metallica T-shirts. Swathed in the light of the room, she looks like an angelic being. I blink and rub my eyes.
“Ollie, you okay?”
Unsure what to say, I continue to stare at her. She’s a light in the darkness ... literally. Is that what you’re trying to tell me, Rol? To hold on to your Quinny?
“Ollie?” Concern is evident in her voice.
“I ...” I glance over my shoulder. “You’re going to think I’ve gone around the bend, but I swear Rolly was just here.”
“I don’t. What happened?”
“I smelled his bubble bath. That awful sickeningly sweet bubble gum scent. You remember?”
She comes to stand beside me. “Oh yes, I remember.”
“Then I got warm, and I looked up and saw a shooting star. I swear, I felt him grab my hand.”
“Of course he’s around. You’re his daddy, and we have a big day coming up.”
“You’re Catholic, right?”
“I am. If you’re asking me if I’m a good one, I’d say not as much as I should be, but I’m growing.”
“What does your religion say about ghosts? Aren’t they not supposed to exist?”
“Well, we believe our loved ones become saints, and they help guide us. There’s nothing to say they can’t manifest themselves in a more physical manner. I believe they do.” She grabs my hand and squeezes.
“I’ve never really been sure what I think about God. I mean, heaven is a nice thought. But there’s no real proof, and things get a little worse every year.”
“Well, Earth isn’t God’s, it’s the devil’s. The big man’s just trying to give us a chance to be saved.”
My head whips around. “What?”
“This is why we’re asked to be in the world, not of it. All of the greed, vanity, lust, and a million other things our culture has come to hold up as important are the antithesis of what’s in the Bible, which make sense because the world is Satan’s.”
“How did I not know that?”
“Well, there’s not much talk about religion openly these days,” she says quietly.
“Do you believe that?”
“Yes. The things we’re capable of doing to one another is literally inhuman. At first, they say we didn’t know any better. Neanderthals with limited understanding of the world and weak communication skills lead to savagery. But the more we learned, the more damage we did to Earth and one another. That’s not of God. At least not the one I imagine exists.”
“You think he’s up there on a cloud marking everything we do in a book?”
She frowns. “Not in my head. I can’t speak to the details from experience, but I always imagine heaven would be different for each person. That all their favorite things and people are there.”
“That sounds amazing.”
“I think so, too. What do you think?”