Breath Of Life

“Good. My brother was in town, so it was all of us for once. I forget how much the two jerks like to gang up on me.”

I laugh. “Yeah, it’s the right of the elders to test the young.”

“Are you for real?” she asks with a laugh.

“Hey, I’m the youngest in my family. I’m just telling you what I heard.”

She tosses her bag into a chair and hops on the bed beside me. There’s a lightness in her eyes; a sparkle that had been dimmer before.

“How was your time with your family?”

“Good. Eye-opening, and hard. All the kids.”

“Oh, babe. I’m sorry. I didn’t even think about that. I should’ve been there.”

I place a finger on her lips. “No, you were where you needed to be. They missed you by the way. They might kick my ass if I come back without you.”

“Shut up.” She slaps my chest, and I pull her to me.

“They don’t share Allie’s opinion, and they’re quite impressed with your left hook.”

“Oh, jeez. I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“No, you’re pretty much a Hemnway legend.”

“I’m not a Hemingway.”

I roll her onto her back. “Yet.”

“Is that proposal?”

“No, it’s a declaration of intent, like a promise ring, but way cooler ’cause it’s grown up shit.”

She giggles. “Is that so?”

“It is. If you still want that.”

“I do.” The humor leaves her face. “But we need to have a serious talk first.”

“What’s wrong?”

She moves to sit up, and I roll off her and perch on the edge of the bed.

“We haven’t spoken much about a future. Not in great detail. Do you want a house or an apartment? Where do you want to live? If we get married, will there ... will there be kids?”

I stare, unable to answer her. Right now the thought of another child is horrifying. It feels like a betrayal—the memory of the boy whose body isn’t even cold yet, and a chance to get what’s left of my heart trounced on. Bile rises in my throat.

“I didn’t want to ask that. I know it’s too soon, and I’m not trying to minimize your pain in any way, or rush you. I’m not talking tomorrow, or even six months from now ... just one day. If you don’t think you

can, it’s okay.”

I bow my head. “I can’t even think about that right now, Quinn. It makes me sick to my stomach.”

She sighs. “Then save this promise until you know one way or the other.”

“And in the meantime?” I ask as my voice shakes.

“We figure it out as we go.”