“I’m not a project,” I snap.
“Never said you were.”
I want to hate him because I know he’s right. I’m most alive when I’m with him. My life in Santa Monica is okay, but that’s not what I want to look back at when I’m older. I’d be dissatisfied and disappointed. I want to be closer to Pops, and back with my girl Blue. I want to give this thing between us a try. I want the real deal with this man. It’s harder to admit out loud than I thought it would be. There’s too much history to feel okay with putting my heart back in his hands. But I can still do it. I go back to cutting my steak. “If we do this, what are you expecting from me?”
“The usual, home-cooked meals, clean clothes, and loyalty. I have no problem pitching in, you know me, I’m all for equal sharing of responsibilities. But I need you to hold shit down when I’m away and take care of what I can’t. You know what it’s like to be an old lady.”
“Yeah, I do,” I agree. “Where will I live?”
“With me. Non-negotiable. You can pick a place you like and I’ll pay the rent, but I’m not doing this part time shit. When I get to be home, I want it to be with my woman at my side.”
The words my woman makes my heart speed. I like the thought of being his…more than I should. Doing anything other than trying to make this work, is letting Mouth win. I can’t do that. Standing up for myself means facing the shit that scares me. This man has been my Lucifer for as long as I can remember. It’s time to kill his ass with kindness, love, and light. No more hiding or making decisions based on him. “And if we’re together, what are the rules?” I ask.
“What rules do you think there needs to be?” he asks, arching an eyebrow.
“What happens on the road, stays on the road is bullshit. You stick your dick anywhere that’s not in one of my orifices, and we’ll have a fucking problem.”
“Fuck, girl. I wouldn’t do that shit to you.”
“You were single and fully immersed in this culture for a long time. I want to think I still know you, but the truth is we have a hell of a lot of relearning to do, and it’s not going to be easy. This life never is.”
“Is this you agreeing to try?” he asks.
“Yeah, I think it is.”
“Think or know?”
“Know.”
He smiles. “Good.”
“You been tested?”
“Jesus,” he huffs.
“I forgot myself earlier. I can’t do that anymore. We’re not kids.”
“Last week. I’m clean, and I always wrap it regardless,” he states flatly.
I believe him. Some of these bitches will do anything to tie themselves to a man in a patch. Wrapping it up is standard procedure.
“When’s the last time you were tested?” he asks.
“A few years ago. I…uh, it’s been a dry spell for me.”
He growls. The heat in his eyes is inescapable.
Moisture floods my panties.
“You on birth control?”
“Yeah, I have an IUD, why?”
“Because I can’t wait to fill you up with my come.”
I swallow hard. “Echo,” I whisper.
“What? No one’s here, and if they were, let them listen to what I’m going to do to you. I don’t give a fuck.”