“You’re pissed,” Echo says.
I shake my head. “Nope. Just trying to listen objectively.”
“I can’t give up on him, D’Rose. If there’s a chance I can get him back on the right track before he crashes and burns with my father, I have to try. You understand, right? It’s not in any way a show of approval for the fucked up shit they say or do.”
“You want to save your brother, I get it,” I say, grinding my teeth. I’m not going to give him the go ahead to spend one-on-one time with rabid racists who want to see us parted.
“You hate this, don’t you? I knew you would.” He runs a hand through his hair.
“What do you expect? It’s an insult, Echo.”
“You want me to choose?” he snaps.
“I don’t want you to do shit, other than understand this puts me in an awkward ass situation. I understand you want to do what you can for your brother. But what if he doesn’t want to be helped or saved? Hmm? Then what?” I slam down my beer and lean forward, gripping the table. “How far are you going to let this go? Where do you stop? What are you doing with them? Sitting there, while they tell you why black people are despicable pieces of shit. Or do you pretend you agree? God, that makes me sick thinking of you coming home and lying in my bed while you bad mouth my people behind me back.”
“Your people? When have they ever been your people, D’Rose? Your father raised you and you never saw your mother—”
“So that makes me less black?” I ask, furious that he brought up my sore point.
“No, I’m saying we’re on your side. Me, your dad, the whole of KOC with the exception of my fuckwad father. Don’t turn this into us against them. Because it’s not what it is.”
“It sure as hell feels like that. None of you understand what this did to me.”
“Don’t give me that bullshit. I was there for you.”
“Oh yes, those last two years made up for everything. You don’t even know how much dealing with this fucked me up. I was a ten-year-old basket case, wondering what I did wrong to deserve the treatment I was receiving. My entire self-image was wrecked. And worst of all, no one did a damn thing about it which further enforced that I was the problem. If it wasn’t for my field, I don’t know what would’ve happened to me.” The words are tumbling out of my mouth before I can stop them.
“You got something to tell me, D’Rose?” Echo asks. His eyes are too sharp. He knows I’ve been hiding things.
I shake my head. “No, this won’t get us anywhere.”
“But ignoring it will?” Echo asks.
“Tonight is about you.”
“No…it’s about us and our survival or demise as a couple. You always glossed over the bad blood between you and my old man. I see now that there’s a lot you never told me. It makes sense now. Why you don’t want to move in yet. We still have a lot to talk about.”
The tables have flipped on me in an instant, and my head is spinning. “This is not about me.”
“Yes it is, and me. The both of us, growing up, talking up the hard shit and getting it together,” Echo says.
The bass in his voice and the tone in his words fulfill a need I didn’t realize I had. We’re not tiptoeing around the racism in the club or how it affects me any longer. It’s l
ike a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I’m so used to sacrificing for the greater good, I’ve been trying to repress my true response to the situation. I understand it and I know it’s wrong, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stop. Everything for the good of the club is my default mode. My eyes water and I blink to keep the fluid in check. I’ll be damned if I show my weakness. I clear my throat. “So what do we do next?”
“We leave and go somewhere we can talk, until we get this sorted. I can’t keep walking this line, uncertain about both parties. I need you with me for this, Dixie Rose.”
The use of my full name speaks volumes. “And I want to be there, but it can’t be at the cost of myself.”
“It won’t come to that,” he says.
“You can’t make that promise.”
He reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Babe, look at me, listen, and hear what I’m saying. It won’t come to that.”
I close my eyes. I want to believe him, but I’ve been in this life too long. Shit spirals before you can wrap your mind around what’s happened.
He squeezes my hand. “If I wasn’t ready to follow this through, I wouldn’t have claimed you in front of everyone. I’m not telling you it’ll be easy, but we can do this, babe.”