For the Love of Dixie (Kings of Chaos 3)

She sighs and rolls her neck. “We’re just…all over the place. The minute I think we’ve hashed out everything and we’re going to do the long term thing, something else comes up that makes me have too many doubts.”

“Like what?” Blue asks.

Ruthie sighs. “This time, he came back from a run, and wanted to show me a picture of the sunset he caught on the telephone. I was excited that he wanted to share. He’s slow to open up and include me in things. I get that it’s hard when you spend most of your life keeping things secret. So I never push. But while he’s shifting through his photos, I see a picture of him and a blonde.”

“And you went off on him over that?” Blue asks.

“Well, she was on her knees in front of him, so…”

“Jesus,” I whisper. I’d slaughter Echo, but we talked about this shit a long time ago. What happens on the road stays on the road doesn’t work for me. If he was going to be pulling that, he’d need to worry about what happens with me while he was on the road.

“You know what happens on the road, stays on the road,” Blue whispers.

“Except when it doesn’t. I had this don’t ask don’t tell philosophy. I mean, I knew he wasn’t fucking anyone else, but being slapped in the face by it was too much. I started wondering about all the shit I didn’t know about and flipped my shit.”

“Why would his dumb ass keep the picture?” I ask.

“Apparently, he was bombed out of his mind, and didn’t even remember taking it. Which makes me feel real secure in the ‘it was just a little road head’ argument he threw my way,” Ruth says. Her eyes are watery.

I’m feeling for her.

“Damn, I’m sorry, girl. You can’t leave this stuff unsaid. You have to talk about rules and where you stand before they leave. But regardless, he came home to you,” Blue says.

“I’m not sure that’s enough for me.” Ruthie sighs.

“Did you ask him if he’d keep it in his pants next time?” I ask.

“We didn’t get that far. He was pissed at me for being upset, and the fight escalated. Next thing I know, dishes are flying, cuss words are going back and forth, and he’s storming out telling me he can’t deal with my shit. We’re from two different worlds. Maybe we’ve been foolish playing house and pretending somehow we could meet in the middle.”

“Wait, playing house?” I say.

“Yeah, he’s all but living there, or he was, until our blow out,” Ruthie mumbles.

“Girl! That’s huge!” Blue says.

Ruthie shakes her head.

“Do you want to work it out?” I ask.

“Yes, I fucking—I love his stupid ass. But I can’t be alone in that. I can’t bend to the point of breaking while he remains where he’s at.”

Blue closes the oven, and places a hand on Ruthie’s shoulder. “Does he know you love him?”

Ruthie shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve never said it out loud. I didn’t even admit it to myself until he froze me out this month.”

“Damn, dude. No wonder you guys looked so awkward at the wedding,” Blue says.

“That’s why I didn’t tell you. I wanted your day to be all about you and Shadow, without our drama.”

“All I know is, men don’t go back and forth for over a year because the pussy is good. Not when he could sleep with whoever, whenever he wanted. Feelings are involved. You two need to have a sit down and talk it out.”

“I’m not ready. I need to figure out what the hell I want before I approach him.”

“Yeah, you do,” I agree. “Take care of you first, and the rest will come to you. We got your back. It’s a hard lifestyle for relationships to survive in, and you’re absolutely correct. The man has to be willing to meet you halfway as much as he can.”

Ruthie sighs. “Why couldn’t I have met him when I wanted anything but serious. He’d have made the perfect fuck buddy.”

Blue laughs. “’Cause life is never that easy, and honestly, I sort of think you’re perfect for each other. I would’ve told you to leave him alone a long time ago, if that wasn’t the case.”