A Lighter Shade of Blue (Kings of Chaos 2)

I deserve more. I

mouth the words, willing myself to believe them.

I turn away and dress in a pair of black shorts, and a black tank top. They’re particular about everything you wear and bring inside. The less color and wording on your outfit, the better. I slide my feet into my black and white slip-ons, let my mane hang around my face as it air dries, and hurry out to the car. Whatever I decide to do with Shadow will be because of how I feel. It’s time to end this toxic connection I’ve fed into for too many years.

The weather is sticky hot, and I drive with all the windows down, hoping the air will help me clear my head. My hair is blowing around my face like black ribbons of silk. My heart is pounding in my chest, threatening to crack my bones. My palms are slick with sweat. Every couple of minutes, I run them across my shorts to get rid of the moisture. Sweat beads dot my forehead. I need the stimulation to remind me I’m alive. It’s time to fully embrace the motto of living free. My entire life I’ve been trussed up like a Thanksgiving turkey, the child for show. The Good One, who never dared step off the path because she didn’t want to add more stress to an already troubled family dynamic. Bitterness rose.

It wasn’t fair.

I lost so much of my youth trying to be perfect. It was a role I didn’t know how to stop playing. I push down on the accelerator and open up the engine. It purrs in response, and I smile. I pull into the parking lot ready for a battle. This war was over my life; losing was not an option. I mentally prep my speech as I am led through the process required to meet up with Calla. I pray she will see me. She can be a snotty bitch like that when she wants to be, but I know she hasn’t had many visitors outside of Mom, who could be stifling.

The metal is cool against my heated clothing as I sink on my side in the chair with my hands in my lap. This moment had been years in the making. With the way we left things my last visit, I wasn’t sure which Calla I would be seeing today. The minutes crawl by until finally, I spot her being led in.

She looks smaller, like she’d lost weight. Dark circles rest under her eyes.

Worry rose inside me. I scan her face for any other sign of distress. Finding none, I assume this was a result of the forced detox she’d recently undergone.

Frowning, she sits across from me. “Is there something wrong with my boy?”

The concern in her voice and eyes remind me that a heart still exists beneath the layers of indifference and selfishness. “He’s okay. Better than fine actually. Shadow got out yesterday, and they’re off doing the male bonding thing,” I say with a shrug.

She smiles. “If nothing else, he’s an excellent father.”

“You give him too little credit.”

“Well, he didn’t stay with me, did he?” she snaps.

“That’s what I’m here to talk about. You knew I liked him, didn’t you?”

Her eyes widen. “Did he finally get the balls to tell you the story?” She tilts her head back and releases a wicked cackle.

Her cruel laughter raises chill bumps over my arms. “I want to hear it from you,” I say, giving away nothing.

She smirks.

I lean forward. “Give. Me. The. Truth,” I growl, enunciating every word. “It’s the least you can do.”

I can see the shock in her eyes. I’ve never been aggressive with her, choosing instead to treat her like a sort of wounded being.

“What do you know? Kitty has claws after all,” she whispers.

“Everything I’ve done has been because of you or for you. I never ask for anything. Just this once, can you remember that you’re my big sister, and I’m the one taking care of the mess you left behind, yet again.”

The color drains from her face.

“Did you think I liked this? That this sick, twisted bond between us has been fun for me?” I hiss. “Well, news flash, Calla…it hasn’t. I hate it. It’s been eating me alive from the minute you hit sixteen and decided to show your ass. Then everyone looked to me to offset it. Are you so deluded, self-revolving, and narcissistic that you didn’t see it?”

“A-all I saw was the perfect little angel being praised and held up as the prime example of what one should do.”

“Bullshit,” I spit. “Did you know I liked Shadow?”

“Of course I knew. You weren’t exactly hiding it, all moon eyes and sly glances,” she scoffs. Her lips twist into an ugly sneer, and her eyes narrow into slits.

“And you decided to do what?”

“Show you what it felt like to lose for once. Did you know he wanted you back?” Her voice drops to a raspy whisper. “He told me, the jackass. God, if you could’ve seen his face when he talked about you. Like you were the moon and the stars in the night sky. It made me sick. You were barely seventeen and about to get the very thing no one would give me.”

“What? What could I have possibly gotten?” I croak.