A Lighter Shade of Blue (Kings of Chaos 2)

“Yeah?” He peers down at me.

“Mmm-hmm.” I lift my face up.

He brushes our lips together. “You want me to wait for you?”

“No, I’ll be good.”

“You got your piece?” he asks.

“Yeah.” I pat the small purse slung over my shoulder.

“Good girl. I’ll see you at home.”

I stare down at the fresh grave and wish for the millionth time I could have another talk with Pop. He gave tough love. I was always better for it.

“I settled up with her, Pop. She made her bed and I know you’d approve. I can’t trust her to be around and keep her lips shut. You know we don’t do divided loyalties. Things with Mom are tenuous, but we both know she picked her daughter to support years ago. It’s funny how little I care now, when at one time I worried about my own happiness. And I am happy, Pop. More than I thought possible. When I think of the years Shadow and I wasted, it makes me sick. But I don’t dwell on them. That was the old Blue. The new one realizes how precious and short life can be.” I kneel down beside his headstone, kis

s my fingers, and place them on his stone. For a moment, I swear I can feel his hand on my shoulder. “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to sit here for a bit.” I lay on my back and stare up at the sky. Watching the clouds float by makes me nostalgic. I remember doing shit like this as a family. My pop was never too much of a bad ass to have fun with us. He might’ve been on the road a lot, but the time he spent with us counted.

I learned a lot this year. I’m stronger than I thought I could be, and the truth is, it’s harder to be happy. Because it means you put yourself first while that hurts and upsets others. It shouldn’t. Maybe in a perfect world…it wouldn’t. But the universe we live in is a flawed and broken thing. We’re all just trying to survive its fucked up games and challenges. I had the wrong rulebook before. So, I found myself on the losing end. Now that’s changed and the sky is the limit. I think of the man who just left, the teenager I’m planning a blowout eighteenth birthday for, and my closest friends. Despite the setbacks, I’m going to be okay. In the end, that’s what matters most. Comforted and clear-headed I stand. “Later, Pop.”

I walk back to my car and laugh at the sight of Shadow still waiting by my car. “Really?”

He shrugs. “Can’t blame me for wanting to keep eyes on you after everything going on.”

“No, I like that about you. It makes me feel cared for.”

“It should, girl, ’cause you fucking are.”

The exasperation in his voice makes me laugh. He can be a grumpy ass old man in a young man’s body. Maybe that’s why I feel like we’re an old married couple. Grinning, I lean against his bike. “I do.” I kiss him soundly.

“You kiss me like that, you’d better be ready to head to the bedroom when we get home.”

“I’m counting on it,” I say with a wink.

“Damn, girl, it’s like that?” A rare smile lines his lips.

“Yeah, babe, it’s like that.”

THE END