“Why not? He thinks I’ll stay and continue to either try futilely to get into his good graces or fall in line.”
“You’ve been ready to branch out on your own for a long time. You have the degree, the work ethic, and the experience to do it successfully. You’ve saved, planned, and prepared. It’s time to spread those wings, baby bird.”
“I know. I kept hoping change was around the corner, but now I see it’s nothing more than wishful thinking.”
“Come on over. I don’t want you to be alone right now.”
“What’s going on?” her husband asks. I smile. When your two childhood friends are high school sweethearts, it creates a unique dynamic. We are a tribe.
“I’ll tell you in a minute, Andy.”
Thank God for friends who become our family.
“I’ll be there soon.” Depleted, I disconnect and turn my full attention to the road. As reality continues to set in, I find myself questioning not only my family but myself. When did making everyone else happy start to outweigh my own joy? I think back to my mother handling the household and everything child related. From Girl Scouts to soccer, Cub Scouts and basketball, she did it all alone so my father could continue to chase his dream.
Even when she tried to hide it, I saw the tears and loneliness over the years. I promised myself I wouldn’t be that way, and yet here I am. I respect my mom for all she did for us, but I also viewed it as a cautionary tale. I don’t want to be on the sidelines of my own life or always stuck compromising to the point that I lose myself. I’ve done enough of that to last a lifetime.
***
Jas opens the door with Andy hovering behind her. I walk into her arms. After a lengthy hug, I’m passed off to Andrew.
“I’m sorry, Xi. You deserve so much better than this,” he says.
I return his gentle squeeze. “Why can’t you be my brother, Andy?”
He laughs. “Family is more than blood. I’m your brother in every way that counts.”
I inhale his sandalwood oceanic scent and pull away, uplifted by two of my favorite people.
“Here.” She pushes the prescription-shaped coffee mug I claimed as mine ages ago toward me.
I wrap my hands around the ceramic, willing the warmth to seep inside of me and chase away the chill working its way to my heart. I have to take responsibility for my own part in this mess. I take a sip and sputter. There’s a lot of Baileys, a healthy dollop of whiskey, and a wee bit of coffee.
“Figured you needed something more than caffeine.” Jas winks, and I laugh.
“I love you.”
“You know I love you, too,” she replies.
“Tell us what happened,” Andy says as we walk over to the couch.
Sighing I carefully lower myself to the couch and recreate the scene with words. With every draw from the mug, I feel a little more removed from the situation. I can handle it better when it’s from the third person point of view.
“He’s stuck in the Stone Ages.” Andy shakes his head.
I can’t disagree. “I’m done.”
Jas and Andy exchange a confused look.
“With what?” Jas asks slowly.
“All of it. I’m living life on my terms now. Being patient got me nowhere. I’m done operating under their guidelines.”
“I’ve been waiting a long time to hear you say this,” Jas whispers. She stands, and I watch her, curious. “Wait here.”
She walks to the room she and Andy use an office. As a graphic artist and a systems analyst, their house is a techie’s haven. She returns with a manila envelope.
“Is this a spell that’ll change my father’s mind, so I can have the next truck?”