I shouldn’t even be thinking about him, but whether I like it or not he’s gotten under my skin. Striping off my clothes, I pitch them into the laundry bin, and step into a warm shower. I let the water beat down on my shoulders, unknotting my stiff muscles. Fridays are always insane, and training another person requires more mental power than usual.
In the end, I’m drained like a battery that needs to be placed on a recharge station. Shayne’s a fast learner, but there’s a vast range of things to teach. I sigh. Here I am, home, and still thinking about him. No more.
I focus on getting a lather with my mermaid tail soap and washing away the day. The hours have been grueling with everyone split between the current truck and the one to come. It sticks in my craw, and I hate that. I wish I could cut the bitter part out of me and turn it into a motivator, but there’s something unforgivable about family betrayal. After a life of being overlooked, patronized, and guilted into putting the greater good of the family before my own wants and needs. It’s a raw, bloody, infected wound I’m not sure will ever heal properly.
The recovery process can’t begin until I quit. Seeing everyone day in and day out is too much. It’s scary, preparing to leave everything behind, and stepping out completely on my own without support or backing. It’s now how Foleys do it. The water turns cold, chasing me from the stall and on to dressing. I’ve got a mini Death Note marathon planned with Jas and Andy. Real friends are the people you can wear your pajamas around.
At least that’s what I tell myself as I pull on my Lazy Bones T-shirt with matching Skull and Crossbones boxer shorts. Slipping my feet into black flip flops, I call it a day. I have no one to impress, and zero fucks left to give. I have to be back at the truck bright and early to start the training process all over again, and the only thing keeping me going is this mini reprieve tonight. A human isn’t meant to toil endlessly without breaks or things to look forward to. My goal remains achievable until I make major changes. It’s brought me down in a way I’ve never experienced before.
I always considered myself lucky to have a job I loved. Now that love is turning to hate, and my heart is hardening at an alarming rate. I’m sinking fast, and trying to bail enough water to keep me afloat while I wait for the raft I called in for a rescue to arrive. I leave the house, eager to escape the regret, and ghost taunting me for the decisions I’ve made over the years. My head is a loud echo chamber for drama right now. The state of being has me off kilter, and gloomy.
With my hair breaded around my head in a dark brown crown, I lock the door behind me and welcome the moonlit night and warm air.
***
“Why don’t you go get everything ready while we make the drinks?” Jas asks.
“It’s so sweet how you tell me to get lost without actually saying the words.” Andy kisses
her on the cheek, and I laugh as he disappears from the kitchen.
“You look exhausted. Is everything okay?” Jas inquires the moment he clears the room.
“I am. Training slows everything down, so work takes twice as long, and Shayne is so cocky it makes me sick.”
Jas’s thin lips form an O.
“Jas, I’m telling you, he lives to get on my nerves. He always has something to say when we’re alone, which is most of the time.” I shake my head. “And why is he so cocky? It must be etched in his DNA. The way he stands, talks … hell, the way he smells. Can a man perspire Alpha pheromones?”
“Alpha is an interesting word to use,” Jas says coyly.
“Why?” I narrow my gaze at her.
“Well in the past minute alone you’ve mentioned pheromones and Alpha. I think the lady doth protest too much.”
“Ugh. No, Jas.”
“What?” she asks innocently.
“I’ve never liked Alpha-holes.”
She smirks. “Your mind not, but I think your body does. Hormones are biologically based, not psychological.”
“You’re supposed to be my friend.”
“Best friend, which means I’m your truth giver.”
I mumble as we pull out the ice, limes, mint, rum, and club soda. We work together chopping mint and limes as we measure out the liquid. By now we’ve got it down to a science.
“Are you going to stay mad at me, or think about what I said?”
“Ugh. I’m not mad.”
“Mmm hmm.”
“I’m frustrated with the entire situation. What I love is turning into the very thing I’m starting to hate, and it breaks my heart.”
Setting down the pitcher, she shakes her head. “No. What you hate is the way they try to put you in a box, and make you do things their way. Don’t let this setback ruin the joy and passion you have for Magical Munchies. I know you’ve been waiting a long time, and it’s disheartening, but I never had any doubt that you would make it. You’re in the home stretch here. Get Shayne trained, set your plans in motion, and let’s get it done.”