I lower my voice. “I’ll be dreaming about it against my white sheets.”
Her mouth forms an O.
“You should be proud. Ask Casp, he said I was starting to look like a pro,” I say loud enough for everyone to hear.
“He did good, baby sister. Your training speaks for itself.”
I don’t miss the emphasis on baby sister. Everyone has to grow up sometime. We all fall into an easy rhythm as we get the truck up and running. For once both brothers stay, making the day a little easier on all of us. The day is steady, and before I know it, it’s time for our mid-day break.
Lunch usually consisted of closing the truck down between lunch and dinner, restocking, and heading somewhere nearby. Ellis and Casp tend to stick to themselves. I observe them from our table outside the restaurant.
Huddled together over their food at a booth with pads out between them, they’re in their own world.
I nod my head toward them. “What’s the deal between the three of you?”
“Sibling rivalry. Don’t you have a brother?”
“I do, and for a long time we didn’t see eye to eye, so I recognize that tension in others. It comes from a different vein than the usual rivalry.”
She purses her lips, and I wait to see if she’ll let me in on her life.
“My dad made a deal with all of us. We go to school, get our degree, work the business, and he’ll invest in one of our ventures as long as we have a solid plan. He’s never wanted me to have my own truck. He’s old school South and thinks women should be in the home or handling the monetary and customer service side of things. I knew that. Still, I always thought deep down my hard work and dedication would show him how serious I was about owning my own piece of Fresco. I never thought twice about the boys getting Smoke. They were older, and they decided to go into the ring together. It made sense.”
“Smoke II was different.”
“Yeah, that should’ve been me all day long, and I don’t believe for a second they didn’t know it. Yet, they remained silent. It changed the way I viewed them. The way I saw everyone, my future, and myself. I told you I had a lot going on.”
“Don’t we all?” I ask.
She chuckles. “I doubt it.”
“I know what it feels like to fall out of your family’s good graces and become the odd man out. To question everything and wonder who you are now and who you want to be.”
“Is that what you’re doing here? Soul searching?”
“Among other things. I’m learning what I really want.”
“Are you going to be cliché and say me?”
Her deadpan makes me laugh. “The chance to find out is all I want.”
“Something tells me you’ve broken a lot of hearts.”
I shake my head.“Nah, never got deep enough for that.”
“At least you’re honest.”
“Where I’m from, integrity means everything. Lying and being unreliable is the kiss of death. The label will follow you to your grave. I wouldn’t waste my reputation on something that petty.” Nor did I have to. The woman who hung around knew the score. Not that I could tell her that. It would require an explanation I can’t give.
“You don’t talk much about where you’re from.”
“You’re not the only one working through things. It’s a small area outside of San Diego called San Mateo. I was born and raised there with my brother, like my father and his father before him.”
She laughs. “It’s hard to imagine you living a small town life.”
“Trust me, I did ... with all the highs and lows that come from everyone knowing you and your business. Once you go against the grain, they never let you forget it.” The lightness of the day fades as I think of what’s waiting for me back home. Scowls, eyes full of distrust, a big brother who’s moving on to the next stage of his life. The thought of going backs sends me spiraling into a dark well of sadness.
There’s no one to relate to, no sense of freedom, and no joy. I can’t figure out if the problem is with me or the environment. People out grow a lot of things, but the tattoo on my back was made with the intention of a lifelong commitment. It’s not a vow I take lightly. My father would roll over in his grave if I quit. Or he saw me with Xia.